[bab]

So, I've noticed that quite a few people that seem to have had bad relationships in the past and have moved on to be quite happy. I'm in the same scenerio and I've always thought that my bad past relationship is part of what makes this one so good.

I dated someone for 3 years that was emotionally abusive. I'm not using the term lightly at all. He was. Anyway I think it makes my current relationship better for a couple reasons:
1. I know not to sweat the small stuff. (Like leaving the cabinet doors open ALL the time.)

2. Even if my man hurts my feelings, up to this point, he's never done it on purpose. My exBF did things on purpose to hurt me. There is a huge difference and I recognise that.

3. I'm less likely to take my man for granted cause I know his great qualities aren't guaranteed.

4. Before my fiance started dating, I told him flat out that I wouldn't date a guy who didn't fight fair. I.e. stay on topic, not saying hurtful things that don't apply.

5. I knew the warning signs and how to stay away from men that were like my ex.

6. I REALLY value honesty now.

So, at this point, I'm grateful to have made it through such a bad relationship. I was wondering if this is a common occurance among those in happy relationships now. Did you learn enough from a bad relationship to make it worth it?

[Tangerina]

Woah woah! Despite a few minor things, I could have written that post... dated a somewhat emotionally abusive guy for 3 years, he was my first love and there were a lot of good things there, but after he left me I started to really examine the situation from a sane outside view and realize everything that was wrong with putting up with that crap... and yeah, it has made my new relationship so much better to have that background... Like he doesn't make me cry! (well, that one time, but that was just a really emotional conversation we were having about the insecurities we had about each other... N/M) and he doesn't put me down or try to control me or get jealous of my cool life or get disappointed or mad if I don't do things the way he wants me to do them... and the thing is, yeah, you would think this stuff would be obvious, but I put up with it from my ex and now I know I would never put up with it again and the great thing is that I don't have to with my boyfriend.... Having that background just makes all the wonderful things that he does and that I deserve stand out because my ex either didn't do them or did them half assed or not often enough....

[mcgee0]

I think that in order to be happy, you must first figure out what makes you unhappy. Just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean that they are good for you. You also gain more experience in learning to "read" people and recognizing a bad mate earlier. I agree that you learn over time, possibly after really bad relationships. Everyone has that past relationship that they kick themselves in the a** for later! Just a personal growth experience....

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally Posted by bab

Did you learn enough from a bad relationship to make it worth it?

In a past bad relationship, no. This time, I'm making the effort to learn all I can, so I'm hoping a big "yes".

[Scott S]

Originally Posted by bab

So, at this point, I'm grateful to have made it through such a bad relationship. I was wondering if this is a common occurance among those in happy relationships now. Did you learn enough from a bad relationship to make it worth it?

I believe we all wish we could learn life's lessons without so much emotional bloodshed. In some cases it's possible, but for most, a burned hand is the only way we learn not to touch a hot stove.

One of my mother's comments, or rather, admonitions at our wedding reception was what a wonderful lady Gina is, & to "do this marriage the right way."

There are quite a few lessons from my previous marriage that I've brought forward. There are also quite a few mistakes that I've repeated, much to my chagrin, & I've hoped the damage control was sufficient & timely.
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If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. - Yogi Berra