[brokenman]

I have been married for 22 years but the last 5 have been hell. My wife and I have 2 kids and since the second born have had no sex life(5years). We have not talked in the last 3 years except when absolutly necessary. We have settled into a miserable semi-functioning lifestyle that I can no longer endure. I have communicated my desire for marriage counseling recently. I know this seems like a last desperate move but I don't know what else to do other than file for divorce. I can not afford to move out and I can't stand to stay around. She said I couldn't live with the restrictions but would think about it. That was about 6 weeks ago. I have asked 2 more times since with no response. I fear that she has already made up her mind to never be close to me again but doesn't want to be the bad guy to ask for divorce. She can not discuss sex at all and we can't discuss any subject without a big agrument. I believe she just wants me to leave and file for divorce so I will be the bad guy. Am I just wasting my life wishing for change?

[slubberdegullion]

From the very scant information here, it's possible that she's suffering from post-partum depression. Before you do anything drastic, check out this and this. Also, talk to your doctor; he/she may have some suggestions.

[brokenman]

Even if I thought that it doesn't matter what I think it only mattrs what she thinks and she will never discuss it. Low sex drive or post-partum are not topics that will ever get discussed. Just don't know how to even jump start anything that will break us out of the crash dive we are headed for.

[dgiirl]

brokenman, go to marriage counselling. You dont need her to start working on this marriage. You can start the ball rolling and learn how to communicate better with your wife. With an objective third party, the therapist can help you figure out ways to relate better with your wife and that might just get things started in the right direction. Dont ignore the problem anymore by hoping things will get better, but dont go down the divorce route unless and until you've tried everything you possibly can to repair this marriage. Counselling is your next step. It's honorable that you're willing to go and work on it. Good luck!

[alphamale]

Originally Posted by brokenman

Am I just wasting my life wishing for change?

In a nutshell? YES

[trickynj99]

im married 14 yrs...after 2nd kid sex went to zero for us as well

my wife and i talk alot, but she is saying she isnt "in love" but loves me..

maybe thats different than you but one thing is the same i think...we are stuck in something we dont want, they are either ok with current situation or feel stuck and wont make changes and they dont beleive we will make the move to change

its wishful thinking to"hope"...i am struggling with last months of me hoping and i'm starting to frame out what i'm going to do...i have 2 kids and they are a big part of my life, so that complicates things and makes it riskier to make changes...same for you...if you can somehow get her to talk to a pro do it...

but be warned,,,you might not like the outcome..and she might not like either...especially if the therapist starts to push her or if your wife is feeling like she is being pushed

[KAris112297]

No you are not...

just wasting my life wishing for change?

...I think alot of us do the thing thats easy. And thats shift the blame, or start making excuses why it isn't working as we settle into a life of "quiet desperation".

You and her both fell in love and made passionate fulfilling love. You can do it again. Keep reaching out, let her know how exciting she makes you. Not just physically (but do not discount how important that part is...I mean making her feel physically like a goddess), but also as part of your life. this is the woman you made vows for, who gave you 2 children. Nothing can touch that...EVER.

Make no mistake. The man she married is you and your still there, all those feelings you had still inside somewhere, maybe a little beaten by the realities, responsibilities and pressures of a family and marriage, but dammit still there. Latch on to them, and then let your wife know she is still there too.

It can invigorate both of you.

Just a last piece adivice form a guy posting on a message board.

Sometimes life gets in the way, it's our job as husbands and wives, as partners, as couples to keep pusing it out of the way.

-KAris(ranter)