I was with my ex for 2 years. We started dating and moved in too fast. After just a few months he was telling me he was in love with me, taking me shopping for engagement rings and wanting to get married way too fast. He said being 47 he felt it was uneccessary to move slowly since I was "the one". I was very hesitant since he was previously engaged to someone he met after only 6 weeks. She moved in to his house then moved out 6 months later.

First thing that turned me off about him was his roving eye. And his porn magazines and girlie calendars in his house. Second thing that made me cautious was how fast he wanted to buy me that diamond ring and get married.

So when I put the brakes on he started criticizing me. He was smothering and critical when I decided everything was moving way too fast. We started having problems and broke up a few times.

We broke up a year ago and went 4 months then out of the blue he came over and pleaded that we get back together. He said he knew he moved too fast but said I was "the one" and he wanted to make it work.

I went back. Things were great thru the holidays but the getting married issue came up again. I felt smothered and it blew up again. He was so suffocating one day he called and I just didn't call him back. I was irritated at him for something.... Then days later I called him back.

He decided it was over - I couldn't give him what he wanted. It's been 4 months since and I was fine until this last week - I suddenly started missing him and having second thoughts. What is wrong with me?

This guy had one red flag after another and after all that he had to make sure he dumped me this time. I was cool and wished him well and didn't beg or do anything - I just let it go.

Why am I suddenly unable to get him off my mind? I tend to remember only the good things and forget what a sleaze bag he was. He was very narcissistic too. It was always all about him. He didn't care about my feelings or the fact he was smothering me and pressuring me for commitment.

Why am I suddenly obsessed with thoughts about him? I miss him, wonder what he's doing, wish he'd come back........HELP!!!

I'm a normal, sane, rational person but lately my emotions are all over the map!

[In Sync]

First, your reactions are perfectly normal considering the twisting and turning your emotions went through during the course of a relationship with this man.
There's been so much stuff discussed about being in e relationship with a Narcissist that I recommend you read the experience some of have been through, only to allow yourself to know that it's really a realtionship that is complicated to truly free yourself from emotionally. Because believe it or not you were emotionally abused if you were with a narcissist. BUT PLEASE Don't judge yourself for still missing him...your senses and memories about the good times are equally powerful and are pulling at your heart. The memories of how destructive and unsatisfying the times with him were are pulling at your head and reason. The thing you must decide and believe for yourself is 'what's healthier for you.' The stress of being in a relationship where a partner is smothering, criticizing (damage to your self esteem..whew!), will eventually take its toll. Live with the uncomfortable feeling of missing him, but that soon though painfully go away. But resuming the relationship that sounds so troublesome for may lead to more hardship and pain that won't go away for a long long time.

Thank you In Sync!!! I just needed to talk it out. I know I deserve someone who loves me for who I am. I was always cautious as to why he was so anxious about rushing into marriage. I kinda think he wanted me to hurry up and marry him before I changed my mind and found out who he really was! Once that happened it would be too late.

I think people can be abusive emotionally even if they are subtle about it. He would always say little things to crush my self esteem then play it off like it was nothing or he was kidding.

Thanks for listening - you helped!