Maybe it's just the weather for the past few days, but it seems 'life' at home is sucking. This is more or less a mini vent.
Sometimes, (Like today especially) I feel like a roommate. For the past few weeks we've slept in separate bedrooms, mostly I know it's because I've been sick, coughing alot and he has to work long hours right now, can't afford to get sick. With that in mind, I understand, but it doesn't really make me feel good. I've had sex once in the past 3 weeks, and honestly, I don't care. I know things will go back to normal eventually, it's just an odd feeling in this house and I got up today, feeling pretty good! Was going to make him breakfast and he said not to bother. Whatever. So I won't. I told him I was going for a walk, would he like to join me? Nope - He'd rather watch Star Trek repeats on TV. I am not enjoying this at all and it's Saturday of a long weekend. I should have gone up to the cottage to be with everybody else in my family, but he didn't want to go and I didn't want to leave him alone this weekend because it's Thanksgiving weekend. We're going to a neighbours for dinner. I'm hoping extra company will perk him up, obviously there's nothing I can do to make him smile.
Feel abit weird complaining because most of the time things are pretty good around here. Just when they aren't, everything feels unbalanced and not right, and that affects me. God, I know I sound so selfish, I DO understand how stressed out he is at work, the long hours, and basically he comes home, watches TV and passes out. Plus I was pretty sick for a bunch of days, he got a mini cold that lasted like 2 days...Which is why I know he's staying away from me, but ****, I'm past contagious! I had cold, not SARS!!!
One thing that he has been doing which sends me up the bend is the amount of TV watching. I can't talk to him while his shows are on. Uhmm, they're ALL repeats! Star Trek, Stargate etc...So, I feel like a big loser up here, I go on the computer. Nice.
The sex thing will work itself out, but usually when this happens it bugs me more, just happens right now I'm not feeling too sexual in general and honestly, I haven't felt desired by him in quite a while. The last few times we did have sex it wasn't anything to scream outloud about. More or less, straigh to the boom and that was that.
Happy Thanksgiving to all you Canadians! Thanks for the vent, any thoughts, feel free to let me know.
whichwayisup, Life gets like this at times. Ups and downs make the ups more fun! Look, it sounds like something else might be bothering him. Is work really stressful? Does he like to talk about it? Besides such a poor choice of television, does he enjoy anything you like to do? What about surprising him with tickets to a game, show, something new. Sounds like you are trying by asking him to take walks, and offering breakfast but he may be in a rut. Hope dinner goes well tonight.
Oh, I have an idea. Call the cable company and cancel! By the time he figures out what happen you have already had 2 good no tv nights!
I don't know what's bugging him. He gets like this when he's stressed from work. I asked him and he says it's not me. I have to trust him on that and I won't push. IF it is me by chance, hopefully when he's ready he'll tell me. I doubt it is me as he has no problems communicating his feelings that way.
Ha, I can't cancel the cable company, that will punish me too! Thanks for the idea...Maybe if they can just blank-out those certain shows ....
Dinner is tomorrow night and I'm sure with all the company around he'll be himself. I just hate that it takes other people to perk him up, that's supposed be my job.
Its probably the stress from work thats getting to him...and you said he had a cold that probably brought some energy down...maybe offer to tape the marathon or dvr it so he can spend time with u and then watch it later that way he won't miss it and you have time with him..I didn't realize it was already Thanksgiving in Canada..its about a month away here...
I was going for a walk, would he like to join me? Nope - He'd rather watch Star Trek repeats on TV.
One thing that he has been doing which sends me up the bend is the amount of TV watching. I can't talk to him while his shows are on. Uhmm, they're ALL repeats! Star Trek, Stargate etc...So, I feel like a big loser up here
OMG, does THAT sound familiar. It's one thing to compete with another woman, but when Star Trek is your husband's lover, how DOES one compete?
Welcome. My Star Wars Anonymous club now has two members - you and me.
I'm hoping this week will get better. He still has to do some long hours at work. I need a holiday from myself actually! To be and feel refreshed! Bring on Total Recall! lol...
Not only is the star trek thing happening alot, he's also gotten into a video game, plays it constantly...So, I know he's stressed...Really only plays it at certain times. It's Halo.
This weekend was good more or less. Though today started with a nice arguement. Blah!
Look at it this way..atleast he's gotten into a video game or watching star trek reruns than being out somewhere and you not know where he is...
Halo is an interesting game to play too, maybe the video game and trekkie reruns are what gives him a break from all the long hours he spends working..though he should add you into that equation as well...
Oh I know. I am not concerned one bit that he's cheating. I know he isn't. I just want things to settle down and go back to normal. I hate it when things are like this and he's so distant. Doesn't matter what I try to do to make it better, nothing works. I know it's not about me, but it still sucks...He'll work through it and when he's ready all will be normal again.
I don't know what's bugging him. He gets like this when he's stressed from work. I asked him and he says it's not me. I have to trust him on that and I won't push. IF it is me by chance, hopefully when he's ready he'll tell me. I doubt it is me as he has no problems communicating his feelings that way.
It's times like this that you have to really tune up your empathy meter. Imagine how rotten he feels - stressed and tired. And I'm guessing that whatever's stressing him is something he's embarrassed or ashamed of which is why he's not talking to you. Maybe something isn't going well and he feels bad. So he's trying to do things to feel better. Treat him like a sick kid. Let him watch his TV but go and show him a bit of affection every now and then (if that's ok with him) and say you're sorry he's tired and hope he feels better soon.
We all need to be pampered sometimes. He didn't want to get sick so he wouldn't have to stay home from work, I bet. You know how rotten it is to be having a bad time at work so show him as much sympathy as you'd want in such circumstances. When he feels better, he'll be grateful that you were kind and understanding.
Glad you are feeling better physically. Something that has helped us get out of the ruts is that instead of asking him to do something with you or asking if you can join him, do stuff for yourself. Do a super housecleaning -- a clean house generally makes everyone feel better. Then pamper yourself.
If you can record some episodes of TV that he likes, record them so he can watch them later and FF through the commercials. After a yummy dinner - give him a shoulder massage (nothing sexual -- don't put any pressure or suggestion on him about sex - massage with clothes on) and then park him in front of the TV with the remote and his shows, bring him a beer (or whatever) and his favorite munchies and tell him you love him and to call you if he needs anything and then leave the room. Go read, get on the computer, whatever. Leave with a smile and a kiss on the head and let him enjoy his evening with no pressure. You won't feel the pressure either because you won't be expecting anything.
Maybe that little bit of no-stress will help jolt you both out of the marriage duldrums. It usually works for us. It may seem like I do all the work (housecleaning, meals, giving up the TV for an evening, etc.) but really I benefit just as much because we are both relaxed.
Sometimes people just need to get lazy. Don't you all recall the times when you lived on your own and had days when you just went to work/school, watched TV, ate, and that was mostly about it?
We also sometimes need to be all by ourselves, just alone with our thoughts. But when we're single,we don't pay much attention to this habit. And when we live we someone, we can be a pain in the ass for them.
IMHO, you just need to give him some space (a few days) and then think of something interesting to do. As a matter of fact, people who have lots of mutual interests are probably never really bored. Imagine that you played tennis once a week, golf twice a month, went to a picnic/party with friends once a month, went dancing once a week, to the movies once a month, out of town once a month, to restaurants once a week, etc. all that togather with your husband... then you had classes in something new once or twice a week (without him), had a girls' night once a month, etc. Wouldn't your life be full of happenings and the daily chores/work wouldn't seem so emotionally exhausting?
People usually think that they don't have time or energy for additional activities, because they are too tired (from work, home chores or children), but the truth is - they are usually emotionally exhausted from the monotony and routine and don't feel like doing anything, but lie down and watch the mindless TV shows.
Thanks for the replies. You're right about the babying him thing. I did it abit earlier when he got home from work. Plus we cuddled on the couch watching the hockey game. I think my teams win tonight put him in a good mood. Me too actually.
Gonna go down to where he works this week and have lunch with him and the gang so that will be fun. We talked about what day would be best and he's checking his schedule tomorrow. His lunch isn't always at noon.
sounds like you are doing the right things. hope that things pick up soon and you move out of the rut.
It's so easy to fall into them...
we've both been busy lately, and its like the relationship takes a back seat for a while..while other things get done..then you realise again...whoa...this marriage is like a garden after all! it's going to dry up if we dont keep watering it. then you give it buckets to drink for a while...sail on the up..until it goes down...and you go through the process again.
I hope the balance in your home restores itself soon!
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