I had a whirlwind romance with a guy I work with, I fell madly in love, thought he was The One etc etc. Of course it turns out that he was just another frog (a cheating, lying, manipulative frog at that). Anyway, it has been a year since I ended the relationship and he has moved on and I can't. We fell into the whole ex-sex thing, and I finally ended that fiasco 6 months ago. I need no contact so desperately, yet I still see him at work and it makes things so difficult!

At first I tried to be cordial and polite, but we always wound up in hour long conversations and flirtations. I knew we'd eventually head back to sleeping together. So for the past month I have completely ignored him (we work in different sections of work, so I don't have to literally work with him, just see him). Everytime we bump into each other he has gone to say hi and I feel immature and stupid for ignoring him but I cannot take another conversation with him. Then he looks hurt or confused and I feel so guilty!!

Before you suggest quitting my job, that is impossible. I work for a top tier law firm and worked my arse off to get here, I will not leave. But I am sick of getting knots in my stomach everytime I turn a corner, or feel sick after bumping into him in the lifts. He has a new gf and I have to hear about how happy they are from the gossiping secretaries... it makes me want to burst into tears.

I am trying so hard to move on but he meant everything to me and it's so painful to have to live with the threat of his presence every day. Anyone been in a similiar situation?

[Oddone]

Wow, I feel so badly for your situation. You totally deserve to stay where you've worked so hard to get to the position you are in. But, at the same time, it is clearly torture for you to be in that environment.

I am engaged to someone I met at work, and though we work at separate branches of the company in the same city, I can't imagine what it would be like if we broke up and had to try to continue working "together"( we do have to interact in the positions we hold).

As hard as it may be, I think you have to do what you are doing given the history of behaviour. At some point, you will hopefully regain composure and lose some of these feelings you still harbor for him and be able to conduct yourself professionally around him w/o it leading to hanky panky or awkwardness. If it continues to effect you physically and emotionally, it may in fact effect your work and that's another scenario all together.

It's not worth sacrificing all you've achieved in the workplace for a manipulative womanizer. If you could, it would sure serve him right to get an ear full of straight talk away from the job, from you to set some firm rules of engagement for the job. He has to be aware of what he's doing to you because he sounds like a "player". It would do him good to know you aren't going to stand for it.

Good luck.

[Gold Pile]

I feel bad for that guy. Being rude to him isn't right. He may not have been THEEE one, but you didn't say he was mean to you.