Why Can't I Be Faithful

youngconfusedme · 3rd October 2005, 1:18 PM

So I had resolve, it was going to end, even though I had overwhelming desire to be with the OM I was suppressing it, I did a NC started on Wednesday of last week all was well, and then... came today

My OM shows up at my office and at first he gives me a look like oh you so I think this is going to go well no problem ( even though my heart is beating 90 miles per hour) we say hello then it starts the flirting and the touching.

Next thing you know I want him again and would give anything just to have him again he leaves and calls me and says that he wants us to get together that we need to make time b/c he still wants me and asks if I still want him and like the weakling that I am I say yes.

Why can't I be faithful why can't I turn this off what does it take. I guess I will start a no call again.

slubberdegullion · 3rd October 2005, 1:27 PM

... but there's a rush of excitement when you involve yourself in extra-curricular activities.

And you are NOT a weakling.

Do you see how you are talking about yourself here? That you don't have the strength to be faithful and that you see yourself as spineless, especially around him?

First thing to do is NC. Then fill your days with self-affirming activities (jogging is good, if your knees are OK) and with positive, supportive friends. Like quitting smoking (and I can tell you all about that...) you'll think of it a lot at first, then less and less as time goes by.

Good luck. You CAN do this if you make the decision to.

michelangelo · 3rd October 2005, 1:33 PM

Get a new job where this idiot is never going to see you.

Reconnect with your husband. This entails letting him know what has been going on. You owe him the truth.

And stop acting as if you are powerless to stop yourself from going with this guy.

All women know how to say no and mean it. Don' try to put it off to the OM. This is your decision to make.

Bryanp · 3rd October 2005, 7:35 PM

How would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him? When you disrespect people it will be a matter of time before you become disrespected. When you look in the mirror are you happy what you see? How you proud to be you?

lilmoma1973 · 3rd October 2005, 7:59 PM

[B
Hey Youngandconfused,
I don't know how anyone can be unfaithful to their s/o but it happens and when it does it can make the marriage better or it can make it break a marriage.. I always believe that the grass isn't greener on the other side!! If you think it is you are mistakened things will be the same as with your current relationship.. we all argue and have disagreements and take each other for granted.. The thing is that i think people have affairs cause you don't have that excess baggage with the bills and money and it is new and exciting .. I have never cheated on anyone!! It has always been done to me and the hurt and pain you feel i could never make anyone go through with because i know how it is .. Good luck hope it all works out

sylviaguardian · 4th October 2005, 9:23 AM

You can't be faithful because this man makes you feel GREAT! It is all down to chemicals. Instead of concentrating on how great he makes you feel and how much you want him (we always want the thing that is hard to get) start thinking about how great your husband used to make you feel. Start thinking about where it's going to end up. Don't just think about how much you want this person, think about how things are going to go if you get this person. There will be three basic outcomes:

1) You will leave your husband (don't know if the OM has a partner or not) but he will leave his partner. You will get together. Maybe you will be ridiculously happy together. Or, in a few years you will have the same situation as you and your husband have now.Maybe you or the OM will look for a bit of 'excitement'.
2) His partner (if he has one) will find out. 9 times out of 10 when this happens the OM will drop the OW like a hot potato. You will get burned.
3) Your partner will find out. He will be hurt beyond belief and incensed. If he stays with you the relationship will never be the same again. He might also decide to dump you. You will get burned.

Where is this going to go?

lilmoma1973 · 4th October 2005, 9:27 AM

Remember this quote.... "The grass isn't greener on the otherside" It will be the same with this person ...

Jayhawks · 4th October 2005, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sylviaguardian

You can't be faithful because this man makes you feel GREAT! It is all down to chemicals. Instead of concentrating on how great he makes you feel and how much you want him (we always want the thing that is hard to get) start thinking about how great your husband used to make you feel. Start thinking about where it's going to end up. Don't just think about how much you want this person, think about how things are going to go if you get this person. There will be three basic outcomes:

1) You will leave your husband (don't know if the OM has a partner or not) but he will leave his partner. You will get together. Maybe you will be ridiculously happy together. Or, in a few years you will have the same situation as you and your husband have now.Maybe you or the OM will look for a bit of 'excitement'.
2) His partner (if he has one) will find out. 9 times out of 10 when this happens the OM will drop the OW like a hot potato. You will get burned.
3) Your partner will find out. He will be hurt beyond belief and incensed. If he stays with you the relationship will never be the same again. He might also decide to dump you. You will get burned.

Where is this going to go?

I agree. Good advice. Spend the time on your H and learn the things that you loved about him in the beginning. When you want it with him this OM will mean nothing to you.

lilmoma1973 · 4th October 2005, 10:40 AM

I agree. Good advice. Spend the time on your H and learn the things that you loved about him in the beginning. When you want it with him this OM will mean nothing to you.
Today 8:27 AM

I totally agree with Jayhawks find what is missing in the relationship and that you are seeing with the OM .. I think it is the lack of what you aren't having making you want this new and exciting man !! Good luck

Mz. Pixie · 4th October 2005, 11:22 AM

You can be but something is missing.

Really, this is about you and what this person is doing for you that your spouse isn't.

You're going to get caught. It's only a matter of time. I know what I'm talking about. Then, you'll begin to see what pain is really like. The guilt will eat at you for the rest of your life.

Get a hold of yourself- quit focusing on this man. Get some counseling in your marriage. If your H won't go to counseling and you can't work it out then get out of the marriage first. It's the only way you can respect yourself.