Me and my gf have been going out for 3 years now. Lately she has been under alot of stess! ALOT! Most of it comes from her family because they hate me, y the hate me is not important its just theres no way for them not to, anyway that stresses her, school, and us barely able to see eachother or talk. She calls me crying sometimes saying how stressed she is. But lately she has been acting differ around me, she barely kisses me or seems like she wants to be with me. When i ask her if she still wants to be with me she gets mad and starts crying yelling at me that if she didnt she wouldnt be going through everything and that i mean the world to her.
But shes a senior and im already graduated, on jan 24 i leave to the airforce, and our plan is around aug when i get back is to live together on base and have a future together. But she thinks I might cheat on her when im gone and still shes just weird around me now. I cant talk to her cause she tells me that were arguing, I know were not but shes so stressed everything i tell her she takes the wrong way, i have tried a million things to the family, to straight talking to her. I asked her today if she wants space and she says that would be good.
But we barely talk or see eachother as it is....another thing that stresses her is my insecurity, she always around guys that like her and try things, and the problem with that is she cant tell anyone that were together cause her parents would find out, so no one knows about us until she graduates in may. So she wants space but I dont know how to go about it..and i feel that she'll change during this time of "space" My question is how exactly do i go about giving her "space"? and is there any ideas i should do? and I really dont think she has realized that im leaving for like 6 months, i dont think its sunk in her head yet...what should i do about all of these things? Oh and were not broken up, were not even close to breaking up, just to let everyone know
Last edited by zuir1; 28th September 2005 at 8:29 PM..
When a women wants space the relationship is over. You can't work on improving it when the parties are not together. It sounds like you both have major trust issues so if a counselor is not in the cards for your relationship I would get used to being without her.
When i say space i meant she is happy to be around me and wants to be with me its just by me always asking, whos that guy, whos this, where r u going, blah blah blah then she gets stressed from me 2. she just wants me to stop
When someone asks for 'space', you have only one option if you want to preserve any chance at all at staying together: give them their space. 'Space' means that she needs to be away from you to re-evaluate the relationship and decide whether or not she wants to continue it with you.
"Space" means just that. Any and all contact and times for seeing each other should be left entirely up to her, while you stay in the background available for when/if she wants to contact you. If she does all the contacting, then she will be working at a pace that is most comfortable for her. If you do anything to see her or contact her, or push the 'space' issue she will see this as a threat to her 'space', and the 'needing space' will turn into a full out 'break'.
You'll need to understand that nine times out of ten - 'space' and 'break' are just rest stops on your way to the breakup, and given what you have posted I see little or no reason to see her 'space' as nothing more than a soft breakup. It might be easier to let her know you have changed your mind about that 'space' and that you think it would be best if you broke up instead.
If there is a future for you two, you won't find it by trying to keep this relationship limping along. Best to make a break, put this relationship behind you and start over completely new again some time in the future if it is meant to be.
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
When I talked to her yesterday she started to cry alot cause she thought i was gonna break up with her, then she felt better knowing that i wasnt. and it was my idea today that we take a break not hers, i just want her to go back how she use to be when everything was ok, cause wen the parents use to like me and ppl knew we were together we didnt have 1 problem, now no one can know and its one big secret.
Do you actually think that giving her space or a break is going to get things back to the way they were? If you can't work it out together then maybe it is best to break up. You have jealousy issues to work out and she can't handle your controlling ways. Do you think you can change? Do you want to put in the time to make your relationship work?
It will take work, not hoping things will improve with a break.
The way it sounds to me, is that she is losing the intensity of her feelings for you - but isn't ready to accept that it's over (to herself, and especially to you). It sounds very confusing and conflicted - she probably doesn't know how to deal with it (especially if this is her first real relationship)
It's really hard to maintain a relationship when your family or friends disapprove, and it doesn't get better after "grad". A person's family is (usually) the most important relationship in their life...and if you are causing a wedge, it makes it hard to be involved. See, usually a family will see the things that the people involved in the relationship don't/won't.
I think "LucreziaBorgia" is right. It's a soft breakup. She needs the "space" to see if she's emotionally strong enough to break it off. She probably knows that she has to do it, but isn't in the acceptance phase yet....maybe moving to a military base isn't exactly the fairy tale ending she wants (ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT YOUR HAPPY ENDING???). She probably wants to experience freedom before being on lock-down with a man who she may lose in battle...it's not really an easy life.
Maybe you should just let it be, and accept that it's over.
and her emotional responses about her fear of you breaking up with her are just that -- it is not that she necessarily wants a relationship for all time, she just doesn't want to lose her security blanket NOW.
Lastly, chances are that one of the other dudes has been getting some shellacking lately from her. Good girls that you want to be in a relationship do not hang around with dudes, especially not when she knows they want or would want something from her.
Good girls that you want to be in a relationship do not hang around with dudes, especially not when she knows they want or would want something from her.
Not true. That is totally relative to the situation.
My very closest and best friends are "dudes" and if the person I am with is insecure about that, then it isn't going to last very long...although, if I am out flirting with guys that I just met .. then I'm not seriously into my relationship...and it's pretty much over if I am seeking sexual attention from strangers.
Not true. That is totally relative to the situation.
My very closest and best friends are "dudes" and if the person I am with is insecure about that, then it isn't going to last very long...although, if I am out flirting with guys that I just met .. then I'm not seriously into my relationship...and it's pretty much over if I am seeking sexual attention from strangers.
I will say again what I said before: good girls will not hang with guys who want something from them [other than friendship], especially when the girl knows it.
True. But if a girl/guy isn't getting the attention they want from their significan other - they are bound to seek it out elsewhere.
I don't think it's an implication of weather they are "good" or not, but it certainly signals that they are no longer feeling the attatchment to their lover. Basically, when it's over its over.
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