[Heavenlyflower9]

It's been almost 7 years since husband's A. I think i've done pretty good on putting it behind me and looking foward. Everything seems to be going well for us now. No complaints lately!

But, the past couple of nights i've dreamed about OW trying to get him back. When i see her, i start beating her ass. I can't remember every detail. I'm so pissed when i wake up.

Why i can't I just get it out of my head? I don't think about her or the A on a daily basis. Actually have'nt in a long time. It's in the past and want it to stay there!!! Don't know what to do? I want to dream about something else or nothing.

How come my sub-concious side can't get over it? Does anyone else have dreams like this?

[OldEurope]

The reason for the dream is that you have many unresolved questions in your mind regarding the origins, nature and conclusion of the affair--a sense that while things may have "ended", you yourself were left and continue to feel in some state of suspension. It is solid ground you seek--not only in your marriage, but more importantly, in your psyche--that is, your soul, mind, and spirit combined.

Dreams are to be taken seriously. They expel the frustrations, anxieties, and fear that in our "conscious" lives are not or cannot be tended to as fully as they need. Because of the very nature of life itself, to survive, we "move on", we discipline ourselves to stiff-upper-lip and march on, because we want to make the most of life, and be true to a sense of dignity. All of this is excellent and it must be.

Nonetheless, those traumas in life that are not understood will continue to pester for an entire life unless coldly, squarely cofronted and analyzed. I am not saying that all will be "resolved" in a sense that you will sit up and cheer, "Oh, okay! I get it now, so I am free!". It is not so much a "release" from these worries that you will achieve (we are marked by experience, period), but understanding--this magic word which means, ultimately, a peace of mind.

When it comes to interpreting dreams, every one says that to read Freud is the most interesting. I disagree. He is intriguing in a kind of morbid, creative way, but the psychologist I find the most fulfilling and the most fascinating to read is the Swiss psychologist Jung. Read: "The Unconscious Self"--an essay. It is "intellectual", but outstanding. You will "see" yourself, you will question your personality, habits of mind, insecurities, and then you can take all that, and apply it to the story of the affair itself. At that point, you will work your way through what is ultimately still unresolved in your mind about what happened.

You are correct, and brave, to ask about your dream and "how important" it is. I believe dreams are extremely important messages, and not to be ignored. Our bodies/minds want to work WITH us, not against us. These messages and warnings just come in strange packages sometimes.

[sylviaguardian]

I agree with Oldeurope. A shorter question: has anything happened recently to make you insecure? E.g. has there been a change in your h's behaviour or has your memory been jogged on some aspect of the A?