Esp. how long...What I mean is...How long would you be willing to do the LDR? Years? Forever?
My ex and I have recently reunited. (we were together for 3 yrs. apart for 2) We have been dating for 3 months, taking it slow...but things going very well...UNTIL..He got a call for a new job.(500 miles away) I can't move there until my son turns 17(in 6 yrs) Would you go that long? OR>>> Would you nip this relationship in the bud since we are only on month 3. I will say that I have been open and have said I still have love in my heart for him...He has said he "cares and has love for me" but I think he is holding back(his last g.f. burnt him and now with the potential move. WOuld you be heading towards the route of 'pulling away" as it would be easier to do that in the grand scheme of things...OR...would you still "date" me(and get sex and companionship) until you found out for sure if you had the job...then pull away. OR....would you stay in the situation and just figure it out when the time comes(knowing I couldn't move with you) OR....be contemplating how can we make this works....
I guess my question is...he knows how I feel....what should I expect? (he went to the job interview...flew out there....loved the city etc...feels good about it but there is an issue with salary. He has said he DEFINITELY will take the job if they pay what he wants. I jokingly said..."Well, take the job, go buy a big house and I'll see you in 6 yrs. " His reply, "You'll probl.be married in 6 yrs...." So......what is going on....is he not even contemplating having me in the picture OR is he a typical guy and can't think that far in advance...OR is he that emotionally in check he is okay with whatever happens due to it being only 3 months? If he had NO feelings wouldn't he be totally pulling away right now? (he calls every other day etc...so he hasn't pulled too far)
What do you mean, "he just tested the waters"???
Was he expecting/hoping I would say, "No, I won't be married(to someone else) because I love you and want to make this work?"
Was he testing ME?
Or....was he telling me, he doesn't see us together?
We are still fresh out of the gate, but have a long history....so could he be that set on not having that discussion??(the how can we make this work-discussion)
Do you think he was hoping I would give him info on how I felt????
Oh boy...esp. when I started with the "When you move and buy your big house, I'll see you in 6 yrs" !!
no wonder he counter-acted with the "You'll be married in 6 yrs."(to someone else)
Well....how is this! I grew some b@lls!! he is up in the airplane as we speak...so....knowing this and knowing I could talk and say how I felt at length....and thus giving him food for thought......I TOTALLY just spilled my guts. I told him for the past 3 months, I have been fine being chill and someone detached while we "re-aquaint" with one another, (because we would be able to ride out the situation until it went one way or the other) BUT...due to this unforseen turn of events,(and the thought of him moving away and me not seeing him again) has forced my hand and made me put my walls down..it has taken me out of denial(as to how strong my feelings truly are)...admit them to him(and myself) and throw caution to the wind and just SAY IT! I have been hurt in the past and have been overly cautious(for fear of being hurt again, as he has been doing the same/having been burnt) That life is TOO DAMN SHORT....and if we both walk around with walls up/heart protected we could end up living with regret. I don't want that. I want to be able to say...I loved freely, I took a chance, I said it, I was exposed...let the chips fall where they may, BUT at least I put it out there and not kept it inside only to kick myself in the @ss for doing so.....I told him..."I love you and always have. I have been supressing the true extent of it(out of fear(s) and now that he could be gone in 2 months...I need to tell him. Esp. in case he feels the same...what a shame if neither one of us truly felt or admitted it only to see one another in 5 yrs and be like "You know, I have always love you...I wish I had said it" etc...
I told him if I had just met him off the street and we were dating for 3 months, then of course his potential move would mean alot less...BUT, we have a 5 yr history and by the time he does actually move we will have been dating for 6 months and should warrent a discussion....IF he totally doesn't feel that way......(love in his heart for me) then it needs to be out on the table, so I can know this and let go.....either way, we both need to be upfront and not in denial/keeping it in.....Was this good? I do feel better....I might not get the response I'm hoping for and that is scary....but better to have the truth than be living in ignorance, as it is not always blissful in the end....with more time invested....right?
Thank you! I just read your profile and saw that you are 42, that makes me feel better...getting advice from someone close to my own age(39) because there is just more life experience there....I really appreciate you taking time to respond and read my post. I was hesitant to write on here because I didn't know if people read the whole thing or not(I think we would have to, to be able to get the whole aspect...sometimes we might miss a piece of vital information) So...I do feel better....scared as hell, but better. Very scary to be so exposed.....but I will have my "answer" regardless...and it is what one must do, to stay sane and healthy. I tent to overanalyze things(it's in my nature/Virgo/Female) I have been trying to work on that...Be more of a "go with the flow" type....not always having all of my ducks in a row....(a new outlook...taking some getting used to ;-)
BUT...when there is something like this tossed into the mix, kind of makes it hard to be free-spirited about things...this sort of thing would take some concrete knowledge of feelings and some serious dedication. Might as well get it out in the open and decide if that is what we are heading towards or....time to say, goodbye if he gets the job.
THank you again, Art Critic~
Ok....so I spilled my guts out last night(around 11:00pm) It took up 7 of his voicemails on his cell for me to get everything out....I told him to "take some time to figure out things" BUT....I recently discovered I COULD move to Indiana with my son...do I tell him? Or wait till he comes to me with his "thoughts/decision" Now you have to keep in mind that...our 3 yrs together had some serious ups and downs...in the past 2 yrs. as friends(exclusively) we have both grown and changed ALOT...we have only been "dating" for 3 months and we both agreed it was casual/take it slow/see what happens/see each other once a week or less.......so now I'm starting to second guess my spilling my guts and telling him that the move warrents a discussion between "us" and the possibilities....was that pushing to hard? Should I tell him I could move out there...now that I know this(I'm not thinking right away.....just down the road, if we do the LDR for a year and it goes well....while he gets settled in his new job etc...) OR>....................Give him some space?? I feel it might make his thought process go in a different direction if he knew this....but I don't want to seem like an overeager, clingy, nag either......One more thing....How long should I "wait" and what timeframe for him to call me with his thoughts/answer?? A week? Till he's ready? (He has ALOT of other stuff to contend with right now....so I don't want to push.....
Last edited by freckles3131; 26th September 2005 at 9:23 PM..
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