almost had ONS - very awkward situation

sinderela · 18th September 2005, 4:07 PM

We are in our 30's, he and I met once, but never had any communication. We met a second time at a group function, one couple got a room for the night, the guy got a room also. It was unclear to me that I would be spending the night in his room, I did. I decided if I was put in the situation I would not have sex with him. Being he is a total stranger, I was attracted to him at the time and there was enormous physical chemistry. We held each other, cuddled, etc, he even offered to take me to orgasm because he knew I was ready, I told him he that was sweet of him, but I didn't go any further. He was sort of a gentleman but I made it clear where the boundaries were. The next morning we had breakfast with the other couple. He and I didn't speak, it was awkward. At this point I feel like it is too late to pursue anything. I don't know where I/we stand, I think I would like to get to know him/date him. We don't have each others numbers. I could get his, but don't feel comfortable as a woman to pursue a man. I would think if he had any interest he would ask his friend for my number and call me right away. Has anyone else been in this type of situation before? I am a very down to earth, responsible person. I actually can't believe I let myself get into this one, it will never happen again.

AnHonestGuy · 18th September 2005, 5:23 PM

Woman's guilt will get you nowhere.

We know you're sexually attracted to him so...

Ask yourself a few simple questions:

1. Can you see him in a relationship with you?
2. Do you think he was avoiding you because of any other reason than the way things happened?
3. Did you find yourself completely comfortable with him while he was with you?

If you can answer "Yes" to any of these questions, then I would think it would be most complimentary to him if you got in touch with him and asked him out. A person has to examine when he/she feels right about a situation and take every opportinity to take chances. There is no harm done in trying and life is VERY short.

Forget about the "girl-chasing-guy is wrong" thing. It's a different world now. Find out if it's the right thing to do by trying to ask him out rather than wondering later over an over what would happen.

If you get a "no", then you've closed the gap. Next time, you'll feel more confident about reaching out to another guy and not sit by in insecurity. It will be good for you. Trust me.

blue16 · 18th September 2005, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sinderela

We don't have each others numbers. I could get his, but don't feel comfortable as a woman to pursue a man. I would think if he had any interest he would ask his friend for my number and call me right away.

So you shoot him down when you two were in bed, but he's still supposed to get your number through his friend and chase you? Hmmm....

Cecelius · 19th September 2005, 10:20 AM

Actually, I think you have a shot with him in the future. Depending on how he thinks about these things, he may respect you putting the brakes on. The best test is to see if he gets your number.

elijahBailey · 19th September 2005, 11:11 AM

I don't think you did anything that you should feel guilty about. If he respects you for who you are, he should take the initiative to get your number. On the flip side, I don't think there's anything out of the ordinary if you were to take the initiative yourself. If you're not ready to for sex, you're not ready for sex. You shouldn't have to deal with a guilty complex because of that.

blue16 · 19th September 2005, 1:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elijahBailey

If you're not ready to for sex, you're not ready for sex. You shouldn't have to deal with a guilty complex because of that.

You're absolutely right. However, in his eyes he was shot down so it's unlikely he will chase her at this point. Theres nothing wrong with the woman doing a little persuing...especially in a situation like this.

sinderela · 20th September 2005, 12:36 AM

I took a leap and called him Sunday night, got voice mail, left a message for him to call me. I haven't heard back. I now know that he was probably in it for the ONS experience only. I am not feeling guilty at all, I didn't do anything that I regret or will have to live with. I feel secure in myself enough to know that I made the right choice in a very awkward situation. Nothing to feel guilty about. My Women's intuition has always served me well. Thanks for your encouragement and support guys. I am sure I will grow yet again from this experience. That is all we can ever hope for in life.