my husband and i have been married 10 years. we were separated for a few months because both of us needed to work on ourselves. we just brought out the worst in eachother by always fighting and we were tired of it. after several months, and counseling, we tried to work on our marriage again. i hated my job, worked long hours, and i was always unhappy and so when we got seperated i also made changes with my job. i quit and started working elsewhere, which i love. now we are back together, 2 years, but things are getting bad again. when something goes wrong, or not right he yells at me an/or the kids. for example today, our daughter got in the deep freeze to get something to eat. when he came home from the grocery store he said "who f@cking messed up the deep freeze?! why did you just shove everything in there like that?!" he is always cussing us out with the f word. when he acts like this i tell him i am not speaking to him unless he can speak to me with nicer words, or sometimes i just leave the house.

is it emotional abuse when your spouse cusses and yells at you out all the time? he always uses the f word, whether he is mad or not.

[Baz]

Im no expert by any stretch of the imagination but here goes...

Yes it is abuse and it needs to stop because it is extremely damaging to all concerned - you, the kids and him.

The questions I would ask are why is he like this? What is it that is making him so aggressive? There are two answers required 1) what is effecting him in the present? ie issues, pressures etc and 2)what has effected him in the past? ie how was he brought up?

Also you need to really set some firm boundaries that clearly show that you are not going to tolerate this behaviour. In essence you have to train him like a puppy dog to not crap in his own back yard! This will be very difficult and I suggest taking professional advice on how to do this with a view to getting back to joint counseling.

Lastly, have a very close look at you. Are you whiter than white regarding the communication problem or are you possibly unintentionally fueling the problem?

Hope this helps a little.