My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We have had major issues with communication and being able to "fight fair". I love him dearly and want nothing more than to try counseling. He moved out 3 weeks ago and is talkig about getting his own place. I made an appt to go see a marriage counsler, but he insists that if it needs counseling that it can't be fixed. I don't know what to do, I want very much to go to the counseling with him. I plan on still going to our appt. with out him to see what she says about our situation. Has anyone else experienced this? Will the counsler try and ask him to come to a session? I am lost, confused, and felling rejected. I am starting to think that if my husband really loved me that he would do anything to save our marriage....even counseling. Any Advice??? Thanks!

[Scott S]

My heart goes out to you. I know this is all very painful.

Unfortunately, unless you're a judge, employer, or other authority, you really cannot compel someone to get into counseling. If he does not wish to go, he won't go, & there really is nothing you can do about that. Perhaps he would reconsider at a future time if he is not being pushed.

In the meantime, you should attend the counseling solo, if nothing else to help deal with the pain you're going through. The counselor may have some advice about how to get your husband to join you, & your husband may agree to meet with him separately. It wouldn't be a perfect solution, but it would be a start.

I would heartily disagree with his view that if a relationship needs counseling then it can't be fixed. Such a statement makes about as much sense as saying "If I need medicine, the disease can't be treated."

Now, not having talked to your husband, I can't say what he may be feeling, but I'm guessing that he feels as confused & is hurting as much as you are. Given some time & space, he may reconsider how he feels about your marriage, & believe it's worth working to fix. Don't give up hope yet!