[intransition32]

My husband left me about 2 months ago with no warning...for the 19 yr old daughter of his best friend.We are both 33..
I had NO IDEA he was cheating and now he has become a complete psycho, locking me out of the house, telling people I cheated on him and that I had our dog put to sleep for revenge(not true by the way).
He has almost ruined me financially, thank God my family has been so supportive, currently living with my father while my lawyer tries to straighten out the house situation.
I went through some pictures today(we were married for 8 years, no kids) and can't help but wonder how someone who claimed to love me so much now hates me with a passion. Maybe its drugs? A brain tumor? Or was he always a complete ******* and I was too blinded by love to see? That is whats killing me, wondering what happened to him, feel like it may be partially my fault for not noticing this downward spiral.He was pretty much the perfect husband and I'm just blown away.....

[Jayhawks]

You can kick yourself around the world till Tuesday looking for an answer. Can we really understand why people we love hurt us? He sounds like a complete louse. Does he really think this 19 year old will want him after a few months? Immaturity clouds your judgment and he sounds very immature.
If you really want to get to him I would be nice, wish him the best and continue on with your life. Don't let him see the pain he has caused you. He is attacking you because he feels guilty and it is easier to take if you make the other person the problem. Don't rise to the bait. Let him squirm.

Don't worry about his life because it won't be pretty when he gets dumped by this young gal. He will probably come begging you for another chance and when he does you know what to do.

Good Luck...

[intransition32]

I do believe everything you say is true, just sucks now because I'm not the most patient person and want to see him miserable SOON...He got an apartment with her(after taking almost of the major appliances from my house) and has been spotted by friends living it up(not in bars obviously, maybe 18+ clubs?) and I'm just pissed off I'm worried about the mortgage, if my dog will be adopted and my credit!But your right about not trying to figure him out, guess I'll never know, trying to move on but still so hard.

[dgiirl]

What jayhawk says is true about the guilt. My husband of 8 years (no kids) came home and blindsighted me too. After a lot of reflection, I could see the problems in our marriage and have accepted my fair share of the blame, but regardless of my own mistakes, I never deserved the way he left. It was extremely cruel and I was incapable of defending myself because I think I was in shock. I tried to reconcile with my husband, and when I realized i couldnt do anything to change his mind, I implemented very limited contact (only to settle legalities of divorce).

After about 6 months, I decided to write him a letter about my own mistakes and the reasons certain things in our marriage happened the way they did. I'm still not sure if that was a great idea, but I atleast got it off my chest and I dont have to worry anymore. I think he's still in the "fog", but he did reply to my letter saying that he appologizes for the way he left, it makes him sick to his stomach and he still thinks about it daily. Had I not written the letter, I might not ever had known this. But trust me, the guilt will catch up to them sooner or later if they want any form of decent life afterwards.

The only thing you can do now is focus on yourself. Write down all the crappy things about your ex, let the hatred out, let the tears out, let every emotion out, but do not show it to your ex. Take the higher road and let him do whatever he wants to do. He wants to make you look like the bad guy to give him justification for what he's doing. My stbxh has done soo much of that. Everything he does has a reason because of someone else. He never takes responsiblity for anything. It was my parents fault we got married. It was my fault for not doing enough in the relationship. It was my fault that when he told me he was feeling burned out and wanted me to do more chores a few years ago, I didnt realize he meant he wanted a divorce. I was wrong to not meet his needs for intimacy, but he's "just not the type of guy" to meet my needs for affection.

Focus on yourself. I would even recommend counselling. It helped me a lot.