Note from midori: This post was split from the thread in which it was originally posted, as it addresses a similar but different situation. Original thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=39968

I felt as though I was reading about my life when I read your testimonial. I too have a son, married to an alchoholic( sober for about 5 years), mentally and physically abusive, undiagnosed as bipolar. He is a very successful man, I too have a nice career and could certainly provide very nicely for myself. We have been in counseling on and off for 17 years. Now he is going through what he calls a mid life crisis. He wants to be alone. He stays out late at night (with clients, so he says, Yankee games, organizational meetings). He calls me once to tell me he is going to wherever and then he turns off his cell and I can't get in touch with him. He strolls in between 11-1:00 A.M. I worry etc. The counselor told me that I have to make a decision as to when enough is enough. His family loves me and are so supportive. They feels he is being very irresponsible and inconsiderate. To make a long story short, I have to have the confidence to leave him and accept that I have done everything humanely possible to keep this marriage together. Please help!

[Ladyjane14]

If you're not ready for divorce yet, then you're going to have to set some boundaries.

I'm not talking about boundaries on things you want, but rather on things you need. It might take you a little time to figure out what your basic needs in the relationship are, so you might want to start with that.

Your husband is neglecting you. He's not letting you in. He's not allowing for an intimate relationship if you are closed out of certain areas of his life.

Google the words "why women leave men" and read the article you find there. Better yet....print it out and give it to him. He's not letting you into "every room of his house".

It's up to you to decide if that's a need or a want when you set your boundaries. I think it varies from person to person on the level of intimacy needed, in order to feel content in their relationship. It sounds like you are one who needs more than what she's getting.