Hello everyone!! I met this great guy about 3 months ago. He's perfect boyfriend material. I mean, it's been 3 months and by this time most guys have gone from prince to frog if you know what i mean...

So anyway, about 3 wks ago we finally had sex - if that's what you wanna call it! Tto put this as clean as possible 4 pumps and this guy was out, so I thought okay maybe it's been awhile not a big deal better luck next time I guess.

So next time was about 3 days ago and wow I wish I could've gotten 4 pumps that night. It was more like 1 and a half ... what do I gotta do to get this guy to go for longer? My friend said that after a few times he'll be able to perform like normal, but I don't know.

What do you guys think? Is this something that's always gonna happen or do men really get like that if they don't have sex for a while? They need a few practice runs I guess? And is there something I should do or not do to make this go smoother - I mean longer (smile).

I guess the obvious answer is to not involve a lot of foreplay, but there's gotta be another way ... right???

[jonybgood]

uuuummmm.... to put this as nicely as possible, First off practice makes perfect. So if you want a perfect lover you have to practice at it. A lot! Obviously you have talked about it - so talk some more. there are a lot of techniques out there that will help you. Go to a bookstore together and pick out a book that you can both agree on. "The joy of sex" is awsome if you are willing to put in the time and (once again) practice.

One thing you can do though is to put less pressure on him about the time or duration of it and help him relax. Whenever you do talk about it don't talk about it in the bedroom. It is ok to talk in the bedroom - telling him what you like and don't like, but don't ever be critical of a mans performance in the bedroom. That will kill him inside. It really is all about confidence, unless there is something physiccally going on, then you will have to explore that possibility too. But, assuming that is not the case, you can really learn to make great love together. And with a man who is new at this type of thing you will need more frequency than every three weeks. Physically it takes a man with alot of control to last a long time after 3 weeks. So like my piano teacher used to say "practice, practice, practice."

Hope this helps you out.

[kscholze]

get on top of him and grind. no up an down. just go back and forth. I can go for a long time when a girl does this for me. And they like it best. I do that until they get off as many times as they want

[megabit15]

Either he's waaayyy too excited, very physically sensitive, ignorant or really is quite selfish in bed.

There are desensitizing lotions which might help if the problem is physical, or foreplay if the problem is too excited.

Some guys just don't know any better and are willing to learn. But some guys don't really care if their partner gets off.

For ignorance, you can try "training" a guy who is "selfish" by telling him you need more foreplay via your actions - ie: "I'm not ready yet, let's hug and kiss some more" - or stop him from entering you by putting his hand between your legs, etc.

Selfishness is harder to address. Try the first couple of suggestions and see if it continues.

BTW- I don't suggest you talk with him about it YET. Talking about it just stimulates defensiveness about a delicate subject because the conversation focuses on what's wrong and what you don't want. Showing him what you do want is MUCH more effective.

BTW- congratulations on waiting a while before jumping in the sack with this guy!! I've started to really tire of the women who sleep with a guy with no exclusive relationship agreement, then whine about it later!!