Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
My GF and I have been together for over a year. We are supposedly in a committed relationship. It is not unusual for her to be up til the wee hours talking to her friends (male and female). She spends hours every day online updating her various personal webpages. She has given me links to her webpages and on occasion I have visited them and links to her friends. I have also discovered from a completely reliable source other than my girlfriend, that at least one of her male "friends" was more than just a friend, which was always denied by her. She has continued to keep in close contact with her friends, and I have not discouraged her. She has many recent posts on her male "friends" webpage with such comments as "I miss you darling," and thank you for always being there for me." It should be noted however that she is a very expressive person, and I hear her say virtually everyday to her friends on the phone, "I MISS YOU." She is planning a trip to L.A. where most of her friends, including this male friend lives, and I totally expect that they will be socializing together. I must say that it is crystal clear to me that many of her male friends are indeed boyfriendwantobes. My feeling is that my GF is committed to me, (and I am indeed committed to her), yet I believe it may be tempting fate to let her to socialize with this former boyfriend. How would others approach her upcomming trip to L.A.
so you've heard from a COMPLETELY reliable source that she has cheated on you with some other guy?
the only way your going to get her to stop that kind of behavior is to just leave. show her that your not bluffing, and that if she continues this kind of behavior your not going to stick around. trust me, if she really loves you, that will scare the crap out of her and get her in line.
No I am not saying that she cheated on me, just that she dated some male friends that she says are just friends. When I say dated, I do not necessarily mean she had sex, or even kissed. I do mean that they say each other in a dating situation (on a romantic level).
If I was in your shoes I'd ask her to choose between the friend who was more than friends, and you. I also would not trust the trip to LA. I'd hate to think of how many times women and men have used trips as a way to cheat with an ex. It sounds fishy to me. I would insist on going with her. There is no way in HELL should you let her party with her ex's (or even a guy she slept with or was interested in). You're just asking for heartache. Lay down the law. If it takes leaving her to do it, then do it. If you don't nothing will change.
This is why I NEVER get involved with anyone who is friends with either a ex, someone they slept with or kissed, or someone they had romantic feelings for in any way.
Sounds to me like she isn't ready for a mature relationship. Both men and woman get big ego boost from keeping members of the opposite sex attracted in themselves. She seems to be getting something out of having men being in love or at least in lust with her. She may indeed be in love with you. Still she isn't willing to give That big Ego boost she gets from her friends. To me that is asign that she isn't all that mature.
the way I see it, I dont mind if I have a gf and she hangs out with guys, as long as NONE of them are ex bf's or previoius hookups bottom line,and that she never is with them alone, if she doesnt like it she doesnt like you that much
theres no reason to be hanging out with an EX, they broke up for a reason..so there really isnt a need to spend time together
and theres no reason to be around previous hookups unless you plan on doing it again
and honestly? there is NO reason for a girl who isnt single to party with various other guys when he bf isnt there, you would think she wouldnt even wanna party without him, atleast from coming to this site I know all the warning signs on if my girls .."easy"
Last edited by Spectre; 5th September 2005 at 12:38 PM..
Sorry, I don't see anything bad in what she is doing, but I do understand your concerns. It's normal to be jealous. But I think you should simply trust her. She is with you because she loves you, not because she has to.
Former partners are the ones we should LEAST be jealous of. Unless she was in love with him recently and he dumped her, I don't see a reason why you should be bothered by them associating. Actually I was jealous of my BF socializing with his ex-wife and ex-GFs, but I realized that he was not attarcted to them anymore and it was just friendly while he is truly in love with me. After all, I invited my ex-husband to lunch recently at my home (the kids were there too) and my BF was okay with it.
I think it's cute when my BF is jealous of new male friends though, because it tells me that he wants to keep me in his life. But if he were jealous of my former partners, it would be ridiculous.
As I said, I completely understand your point, but you should learn to trust her and let her breathe. The more you limit and inhibit her the sooner she will walk away from you in search of freedom.
Sorry, I don't see anything bad in what she is doing, but I do understand your concerns.
uh what? did you even read the post? not only did he say he heard from a reliable source she was cheating on him, and her posting on other males webpages and calling them darling? I know he said she's a "very expressive person" but in this case that just means whore
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Former partners are the ones we should LEAST be jealous of
Again, did you read the post? in this case WHY should they be jealous, she's givin them the attention you WOULD give a bf, and she had atleast been messing around with one of them
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I think it's cute when my BF is jealous of new male friends though, because it tells me that he wants to keep me in his life. But if he were jealous of my former partners, it would be ridiculous.
Again I must ask if you read this post? He isnt getting jealous at the mention of a former partners name, he is mad that she is hanging out with them a lot and treating them in a more than just friends way, if you have a bf who DOESNT care that youre hanging out with guys you've previously slept with he probably doesnt care that much about the relationship(no offense)
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As I said, I completely understand your point, but you should learn to trust her and let her breathe. The more you limit and inhibit her the sooner she will walk away from you in search of freedom.
Again, WHY? explain where this logic comes from? he said he found from a reliable source she was more than friends with ATLEAST one person, and acting more than friendly with others, and sorry "I miss you darling" is NOT friendship talk.. and uh what do you mean search for freedom? the freedom for her to slut around? seems she's already doing that
This is not jealousy -- this is about your g/f not hanging around with dude's she used to perform sex acts upon and apparently specifically excluding the current b/f.
I have also discovered from a completely reliable source other than my girlfriend, that at least one of her male "friends" was more than just a friend, which was always denied by her... I believe it may be tempting fate to let her to socialize with this former boyfriend. .
Spectre, it's her ex-BF.
She is socializing with male friends and they are close. So what? Because of his jealousy she should drop everyone and go out only with girls? The guys want to be with her, but to her they are only friends.
The thread starter said:
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My feeling is that my GF is committed to me, (and I am indeed committed to her), yet I believe it may be tempting fate to let her to socialize with this former boyfriend.
So she hasn't given him any reason to be jealous. He is just afraid that something might happen, might be tempting. It's only fear of uncertainty.
if you have a bf who DOESNT care that youre hanging out with guys you've previously slept with he probably doesnt care that much about the relationship(no offense)
So I should stop my diplomatic relations (as I like to call them) with my ex-husband, with whom I have two children, only because I slept with him in the past so that my new BF doesn't get offended?
I think there is a big difference between having a friendship with your ex-husband who you had two children with and this situation where his girlfriend wishes to hang out and party with her ex. In your situation it is important to associate with your ex because of your dealings with your children. You need to have a friendship for the health of your children. Having children is a huge bond. In the other situation, the girlfriend wishes to hang out and party with her ex who she slept with while she is committed in an another relationship. I am surprised that you do not see the difference. Honestly I do not know how you can compare the two. Am I wrong?
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