Strip club or no strip club? Ladies and gents please reply!
I am in a new LDR and in need of some advice...about a week ago some friends and I went to a topless club (I am female) just to hang out and drink some cheap beer. To me, it was completely harmless; however, my boyfriend was very upset that I would even be interested in going to a strip club (even though before we were dating exclusively we went to a nude bar TOGETHER). I am a college student and was just wanting to have a little fun. After having a major discussion about this we just decided to agree to disagree. Today a girlfriend of mine called and invited me to go out with her and a few other girlfriends to this same topless bar for a "girls night". I decided that it would be best for me to discuss this with my boyfriend and he was absolutely furious that I would even want to go again. In all actuality, I don't even feel like I should have to ask his "permission" to do things like this; however, I felt that it was the most respectful thing to do. He basically told me to choose between going out tomorrow night or our relationship. Is this fair? Is it completely wierd for me to want to go out with my girlfriends? How do I make my boyfriend feel secure about all this?
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Well your BF is entitled to his feelings on this, the same as you are to yours...
My guess is when the 2 of you went to a strip club together he didn't feel insecure because he was with you, he knew what you were doing and what was going on... now the 2 of you are in a LDR and he's feeling insecure and uncertain...
While you may feel that asking his permission isn't needed, I guess you have to now decide if respecting his wishes is needed and important and go from there.... there is a difference between asking him IF it's okay with him out of respect for him and asking for permission because you feel you have too... and honestly I don't think this is a time when you're asking for his approval does that make sense?
You already know how he feels about it...
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Don't be mad at me when I'm mad at you.
dang LDR
i don't think i could ever be in one of those i need to have my girl close so i can take her out bite her and once in a while smack her a$$ and say jump my bones baby ..........
but back to the topic at hand you shouldn't have to ask for permission and it isn't fair of him to ask you to make a choice
Your BF assumes that guys (desperate for sex) come to that club to watch and drool over the topless girls. He also assumes that the majority of guests (90%) are males. And naturally when they see a group of "liberal" girls, they will hit on them.
Although you can meet someone anywhere, the ambiance of certain places makes us more cautious. If your BF went ice skating, you would be okay with that, although he could meet someone there too. But if his friend invited him to accompany him on a dating site's party where people come to find dates, you probably wouldn't like it.
Jealousy is a normal part of more or less every relationship. Have a thorough conversation with him about your nights out with girls. Explain to him that no mater where you go and who hits on you, your heart belongs to him and you won't cheat. If the relationship is new then his concerns are more explainable.
In any case, make sure you draw a clear line between your life and his interference in your business. Soon enough you might ask him to choose between his jealousy and you. Or you might choose your freedom over him.
Is this a female strip club? whats wrong with that? his gf is going to a strip club to watch girls, or hang out ot drink whatever the case my be, what guy is going to be against that???
Well, from my experience, my man and i have been to strip clubs both here in australia and in america, and we agree that its just harmless fun. The human body is amazing, and as long as u r not going to cheat on him or have improper thoughts, i dont c the problem. Its not nice of him to make u choose.
I guess this was a few days about now, so what was the outcome???
I don't blame him for getting a little jealous I guess, but when saying to choose between your relationship and going out.. Well, yeah.. I agree with the above poster.
Your question was "How do I make my boyfriend feel secure about all this?" Well you can't change a jealous or in-secure person. However, you can mitigate the problem by 1. Arranging to call him when you get to the club, and when you are leaving the club. 2. Let him know of any change in plans, 3. Let him know who you are going with. 4. Give him an alternate emergency contact number - one of the girl friends. Why do I say this. Well I didn't like it when my wife went out for a girls night, but could tolerate it. But what would really pissed me off was if I was expecting a call, or couldn't reach her for something important. No need to fan the flames of the fire if nothing is happening on that night out.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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