Long story short, met a woman about one month ago. Single, no kids. Myself single , no kids.

We hit it off, and things moved along smoothly, yet quickly. We already had conversations about love, marriage, and miss each other greatly when apart. She lives 2 hours away, so cannot see her all the time. But in the recent past we have spent 7 nights together, some apart, some together, etc. She tells me she has never had such passion with anyone ever before. We literally hate to go to sleep, as we cant look at each other anymore etc etc.

When I met her she mentioned she is dating others. I thought, cool, no problem. After the first week, the other man she is dating, whom lives out of state, flew her to see him. He has his own plane, is wealthy, etc. She came back and told me she could not stop thinking of me, and wanted to see me right way.

At this point, our bond started to grow stronger. She said that the other man is a great guy, yet dated his ex for 8 years, without ever marrying her. She has been dating him for 10 months, and they never talk of love, marriage etc, so she doesnt want to wait forever. After meeting me, she claims, she isnt happy in her old relationship any longer. But, she has to see him in person once again to talk to him, as she doesnt want to do it on the phone. To me it is kind of silly, because I doubt a man that sees her once a month, wont commit to her, has an airplane, and is wealthy, is monogamous to her, but thats what she seems to think.


So, we were supposed to spend all day sunday together, I havent seen her in a week, so I could hardly wait. Yesterday she called, told me he was in an accident, and she has to fly to see him. She said she misses me, is sad, but feels she has to go. She also said, since he is badly injured, it is not a good time for her to tell him what is going on. He was supposed to fly in 2 Sundays ago, but weather did not permit it, last week she had family in town, so I am guessing this Sunday is just a large coincidence that he is hurt, and she must go see him....

She explains to me that she hates the situation. She loves me, and him, in different ways. Now, she was the one asking me what I want. Asking me to open up. Telling me how much she misses me constantly. I dont understand why? Why ask me to open up, if you have another boyfriend?"

My question is, how to handle this? It has only been one month since meeting her. Do I give her an ultimatum so soon? She has said she is worried that I might not be sincere, and I just might leave her next month. She promises this current situation of 2 men wont last much longer, but she hasnt told me whom she will choose, and obviously I feel it depends more if he will actually choose her. Do I tell her we need a break until she figures these thing out? Do i continue to see her when she can , and not worry about this other man?
Or should i completely write off this situation? She is special to me, I have dated alot, and any other time I would just walk away. But in a way, she has captured my heart. What is the best thing to do, and what to say when she comes back monday?

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

If she has captured your heart, give it time; don't walk away so soon. It's only been a month. She's been open with you in that she's told you about this other guy. She's not trying to hide anything; she's telling you that the two-guy situation will be over soon, so wait and see. I dated a guy for several months while he was seeing other women on the side. It's not so uncommon.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Who's to say that she isn't in part using you as a backup plan and bargaining chip in her own ultimatum with this other guy?

Seriously, I'd tell her that she is free to talk to you and you will be more than happy to spend time with her, and what not but that there will be no more 'dating type' interaction AT ALL (no cuddling, no sex, no dates, no intimacy - nothing that you wouldn't do with a male friend) as long as she is still involved with this other guy. That way you still get to enjoy her company on some level, but she doesn't get to exactly have her cake and eat it too. As long as she continues to date this other guy, she has to know from you FIRMLY that you will not be a 'romantic side item' - only a 'friend'. As long as she is with other guy, all she gets from you is platonic friendship.

She is more than welcome to be your girlfriend, and enjoy the privilege of intimacy with you, ONLY when she is free to do so. She is no longer to tell you that she loves you, or speak of the relationship (love or missing you) in any way, shape or form until she is ready to actually have it freely with you. She knows what you have to offer, and she will have to know that the offer is not going to be extended outside of friendship anymore to some other guy's girlfriend.

Let her know you'll be there for her as a friend, while she is with someone else - and that you can't wait to be her boyfriend when and only when she is free to be your girlfriend. That way she knows without a doubt that there is only one person preventing her from being with you: herself.

[RecordProducer]

What else did she tell you about him?