[gijane1128]

My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years next month and I'm sure he's the one that I want to be with for the rest of my life. For the past year I've been telling him that I really want a baby and he insists he's not ready.

He's 30 and I'm 21. He's been through a divorce and has a 4 year old child from that previous relationship. When I try talking about it he gets really defensive and when I ask him why he's not ready he says "I don't know".

This really frusterates me when he does this and the conversation seems to go nowhere. He says maybe in like three years but I absolutely don't want to wait that long and I told him I wouldn't because of the issue of men being older and having children with down syndrome and other birth defects from a man over the age of 35. I'm not saying this would happen but it increases the chances.

Should I wait it out or abort the relationship? What can I tell him to ease the anxiety? I think this has something to do with his previous relationship and I feel as if I'm getting "stiffed" because of it. Please Help!!!!!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

He doesn't want any more children, and you'll have to either accept that or leave the relationship. It sounds like he is giving you a vague 'maybe one day' answer to keep you off his case. Definitely not something you want to build a future for a child on.

Just out of curiosity - are you just wanting a baby in general, or are you thinking that having a baby will somehow change your relationship with him?

[gijane1128]

No he says he wants a baby but hes not ready for one right now.
I do want a baby in general and if he wont give me one i dont know what i would do. It's not like id just go out and find some guy to have a baby with thats a whole lot of starting over and making sure this guy is right for all the right reasons. Life is too short to wait.

[lindya]

You're only 21! Seriously, you've got oodles of time. If I were you, I'd focus on learning as much as possible - about yourself and about relationships in general - from the situation you're in just now. That way, when you and your partner (whether it's the guy you're with now, or somebody else) BOTH feel ready to begin a family, you'll have the relationship skills to give your child the best possible start in life.

[NYCmitch25]

Originally posted by gijane1128

Should I wait it out or abort the relationship? What can I tell him to ease the anxiety? I think this has something to do with his previous relationship and I feel as if I'm getting "stiffed" because of it. Please Help!!!!!!

Wait, you THINK it has something to do with the previous relationship!??!? Hey, why not just stop taking the pill, that will "fix" this little problem... Seriously though, I think you are just ranting here because you obviously want to be with this guy and you won't accept any advice that doesn't include him anyway so not much is going to change. Get married, wait a couple of years, and have a child, it's as simple as that. Basically, you are going to have to wait it out a little more and it's a worthy gamble I guess. I also highly suggest you stop talking 'baby' for the first year of marriage since you were going overboard with the discussion in the past and also it gives you guys a chance to enjoy being newly weds.

You see on TV shows likeMaury or even Montal, girls wanting to have babies at very young ages. I've always wondered what the psychological reasoning was for why someone young would want to have a baby, and in such an extreme way. I guess it's like with many things where there are both good and bad reasons. Seemingly though, when young girls are itching to have a child, it's because they are trying to fulfill something lacking in their own lives. I think these voids are a product of their childhood environment. Not that I'm really accusing you of this because 21 is not out of the norm but I wonder if you've had this feeling for a long time now ? Of course the dogmatic response would be to tell me no, so i guess I'm saying that I don't even want the answer to this question.

[morrigan]

Originally posted by gijane1128
No he says he wants a baby but hes not ready for one right now.

It doesn't sound like he wants any more children, but he doesn't want to make you angry or hurt your feelings by being truly honest with you.

Do you want to share your life with a child so much, you are willing to have a baby on your own without a father's prescence in it's life, or adopt a child?

Would you be happy being in a relationship with your boyfriend, even if it meant that you would not have any children? If you can't see yourself happy in that kind of a future, I'd probably end the relationship.