Ok, met a woman 2 weeks ago... We hit it off.... Have been inseperable.. More passion than either of us ever imagined was possible, and also get along on many other levels... Both of us miss each other immensely when we are apart...
However, going into this, she told me she was "dating" someone else... A long distance relationship... Someone she has been seeing for 9 months, about once or twice a month.. According to her, he is non-committal, not very passionate, and after 9 months they havent even spoken of love yet.. Within 2 weeks we already have...
Well, she already went on one trip with him for 3 days, and when she came back she told me she could not stop thinking of me, but did not mention me to him... She called me from the airport as soon as she came back...So we spent another excellent, and amazing 7 days together..... Now, he is coming into town to see her next week...She says she will see him, will have sex with him, and is not sure what she will tell him... Her home also has about 20 pictures of this guy in frames, which I also find strange.. (I guess i would put the pictures away if I was going to be with someone else that isnt in the pictures every night) If he calls, she just gives me the "shush" sign, and then we are back to staring into each others eyes and kissing day and night...
So, last night he called late, and i was kind of bummed... She talked to him in a completely cheery voice, as though nothing at all was going on...We had our first arguement about it...
Now she wrote me an email, saying she feels sick, miserable, and misses me so bad it hurts.... She however said she does not want to hurt me, and part of her wants to tell me to leave, and the selfish part of her wants me so badly.. In the email she said she is leaving it up to me if I want to see her anymore.......I also get alot of mixed signals, as she constantly tells me how much she misses me, asks what i want with her, cant stop thinking of me, if I would be with her forever, etc etc, and then this guy calls and she is momentarily a completely different person.....I am a secret....I also almost feel as if she wanted to do her best to get me to love her, then when i do, and she does, she says she doesnt want to hurt me, yet still wants to see me???
So, please, what would any of you email her back...?? She is leaving it up to me, if i want to see her or not..... I do want to, ofcourse, but also dont want to seem foolish........Any suggestions???
Well, its up to you. You have an open invitation to be the "other man" while she continues her relationship with this guy. Its not that she doesn't really miss you, or care about you - it basically that she doesn't care enough about you to let that interfere with the relationship she already has.
Do you want to be the 'other man' while she continues her relationship with this other guy?
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
GET AWAY!!!! Even if what she tells you is true, she is content with the both relationships. She is actually telling you that she is probably going to hurt you. That means.... get the f**k out of there! Now!!! Or you can even things up by seeing someone else.
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Trust me, you won't last 1 round against me!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia
Well, its up to you. You have an open invitation to be the "other man" while she continues her relationship with this guy. Its not that she doesn't really miss you, or care about you - it basically that she doesn't care enough about you to let that interfere with the relationship she already has.
Do you want to be the 'other man' while she continues her relationship with this other guy?
LB always manages to take the words right out of my mouth...
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...and I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd,
'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud,
and I know that you'll use them however you want to...
You need to tell her to make a decision...that you will not compete with this other guy, nor continue to see her on this level if she is still going to maintain contact with this other guy.
She is either dating you or him. By politely asking that she make a decision will make it clear to her that she can't walk all over your feelings and that you will not be taken advantage of (without sounding like a wuss).
All I can add to this is, How would you feel if you were in a LDR with someone and she was seeing someone behind your back and talking about love and what not, and even sleeping with him?
My advice to you would be dont put yourself in a position to be used. She is trying to have her cake and eat it too. Its not fair to you or the other guy.
She is playing both of you, but you know about it. So that doesnt make you much better than she is...Does it?
Location: and everybody's asking when you're coming back, and I don't have an answer, so I fade out into black
Posts: 790
So she dumps the other guy and it's just you and her.
Somewhere down the road.....
The two of you will be the ones going on 3 day trips and having the time of your life.
You'll forget all about that other guy.
Then you'll call her from out of town to say hi and let her know you love her.
She'll talk to you in a completely cheery voice, as though nothing at all was going on...
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And they say that he got crazy once and he tried to touch the sun - And he lost a friend but kept his memory
Originally posted by lost_in_chgo
So she dumps the other guy and it's just you and her.
Somewhere down the road.....
The two of you will be the ones going on 3 day trips and having the time of your life.
You'll forget all about that other guy.
Then you'll call her from out of town to say hi and let her know you love her.
She'll talk to you in a completely cheery voice, as though nothing at all was going on...
This depends on the person. If she is not ready to be in a serious monogamous relationship right now she will dump the fwb/ldr whatever it is and won't talk about him.
When and if you do go out of town, don't give her a reason to look this guy up. Ah from my good ol' book "don't give her a reason to find someone else while you're away".
The problem is that she wants both guys, but refuses to commit to either of them. I would not believe her word that her LDR-partner is unwilling to commit - her behavior is uncommitted at best. If so, it is either not a relationship, or a pathetic excuse to string the original poster along. Either way her behavior is not the best.
If she uses the LDR-guy as a FWB thingie, it should not be too hard to end things, so I doubt that that is the case. If she uses you as a FWB, there is no point in behaving around you, as she did.
If she does not desire monogamous relationships, but you are not into non-monogamous relationships, be warned.
As for the email, I think you should really think over what you would get if you were to get together with this girl, regardless of who the "happy fellow" is, who gets her vote. Best thing to end it in my view, unless you don't have a problem with the setup you are part of right now. But be aware, that if you are okay with this setup, you are taking away a lot of encouragement for her to change her ways though.
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