Well I will just start saying that I met my ex 4 years ago in the united states. She is Norwegian. I am American. After two years in the states I moved to Norway for her. After two years in Norway she goes on a weekend trip. Doesnt tell me where she is at or nothing. When she comes back she tells me that she has met the man of her dreams and kicks me to the curb. I think this thing has been going on for months between her and this guy. It has been two days since it has been really over between us. The first day was probably the worst day of my life. Today it is a little better. The funny thing is that it doesnt really seems like she cares about me after a 4 year long relationship. She pretty much said that she fell out of love with me and now she is with this new guy. I mean that is the worst thing that she doesnt have any respect for me. But I mean I think I understand what I have to do. I have moved out all of my stuff from her house and I live in an apartment now. I have a job here in Norway and I have decided to stay here for a year and work. I think it would be alot better for me to get over her here instead of moving to the states at once. Do you think this is a good idea? I mean should I stick to the NC thing? If she calls should I pick up? I told her during our breakup that she had some problems that she needs to deal with and I dont want to be with a person that is going to lie to me. Yeah I miss her. No doubt about that but I mean this relationship could have been a habitual relationship. Where I felt so comfortable around her, I can live without here I know that but I mean. It is very tough for me that she is probably messing around with another guy. What do you think about the NC thing? If she sends me txt or calls should I anwser????? I am thinking not but I mean you guys give me some ideas!!! I know that she probably wont come back ever but I mean that is because I am a negative thinking. What I really want is for her to regret what she did to me down the road. I really hope for that!
Just go NC and forget about her. She may regret what she did or she may not but there's no way you can make her do so. Go on and make a great life for yourself and forget about her.
i think it was a good thing u moved out asap. u are on the right track in getting YOUR life together WITHOUT her.
I can completely relate to you as I just got out of a 4 year relationship 2 weeks ago. He tried to tell me he wanted to take a break when I found out he had been cheating on me for the past month. It does hurt, but you to realize that our exes just are NOT the right ones for us. You and I are kinda alike in that I felt I stayed with him out habitually, b/c it was comfortable, but deep down we knew they werent the right ones.
I want my x to come groveling back and beg just so I can kick him down too. It is crazy to see our exes "moving on" so quickly, but they arent really moving on. i think alot of it stems from the excitement in cheating. now that she isnt cheating anymore, the excitement wears down, and their SO will have to excite them, which i highly doubt they will. when people jump from one relationship to the next that quickly, they will CONSTANTLY compare them to you - saying oh this was better, i wish he wudnt do that, etc. i jumped from 1 relationship before and thats all i did until i realized i cud not replace that person. This is exactly what are exes are going thru believe me they will come back. but we gotta be strong and not take their crap.
No contact - no phone, email, txt is the best thing to do for the next month or so. NC will drive them crazy bc then they start to think - whats going on? if we keep calling them, they'll go on a power trip and ego boost, so feck em.
meanwhile keep yourself super busy. i took up some exercising class for only 2 weeks but that really helped. go out with friends as much as you can. do something different. you'll need alot of changes of scenery. strike up a conversation with that cute girl from work (like i did!) lol your single so take full advantage of it!!! dont forget to make yourself look hot everywhere you and you'll feel loads better. if she calls, DO NOT answer. infact delete her # from your phone. the exes will regret everything once u take away everywhere they had - which is you. i bet in less than 2 months, our exes are gonna beg us back, either way who cares! because cheaters will stay cheaters. and who wants a cheater?? what goes around, comes right back around twice as worse! God will take care of that for sure.
I'm sorry this happened to you. That's an awful thing for someone to do someone who has flown across the world to be with them. It seems as if you are completely in control with the situation (props to that, most people are insane). Moving out was definitely the best thing you could have done. What you need right now is a strong support system. That's essential in getting over someone. I hope you have lots of friends and / or family in Norway (hopefully people that aren't associated with her too).
Remember that the break up with you hasn't hit her yet. That probably won't happen until this relationship she's in now busts up (that will probably happen sooner rather than later). She's fixated on someone else right now. Hopefully by the time she realizes what she's lost you'll be over her. I'd bet my money on that she will call you and try to get you back. I hope you realize that you're better than that and deserve to be with someone who will love you unconditionally.
As for the contacting her, don't do it. Even the smallest amount of contact will set you back significantly. Don't answer her when she contacts you. I know that's easier said than done. You need to worry about YOU! Delete her e-mails and her phone number. As awful as this is to say, I basically pretend the person is dead so I don't get the expectation of waiting for the phone to ring or wondering what the other is doing. I know, it's horrible, but it's how I cope with it.
The best advice I can give is : don't have any amount of contact with her, keep busy and have a lot of friends around. It will take time but eventually the pain will ease up after a while.
I personally do not think I would stay there. I mean you moved there to be with her and now I do not see any reason to stay unless you really just want to...I would definetly stick to NC and if you are the best way to do that is moving back to the US. I bet she would be sooo shocked if you did that. If you decide to stay there keep NC no matter what. What she did to you is so wrong. It is heartless. Just remember what goes around comes around. You seem to be handeling it pretty well...Keep it up.
Have been at work all of the day today. Have thought about her alot but I do not have the urge to call her because I do not have anything to say to her. What am I going to SAY? I am not that low to beg and cry. I am going out tomorrow night. I am a little excited. Thanks for all of the replies and it is really helping me talking to all of you.
Here is what gets me though - I have done so much for her. I have learned a language. Move to a new country. I did everything. She pretty much just threw me out for this new guy. I mean this new guy is just like her. They are workout junkies and they like to do sporty activities. They will make a good couple. He broke up with his girlfriend for her and she broke up with me for him. The day i moved out he stayed the night at her house. That is what gets me the most. She doesnt have no respect for me. I am myself and will always be myself. I am going to prove to her that I am strong and dont need her in this world even when i am so far away from my home country.
3 days with NC and counting. If she calls me and sends messages I am not going to anwser them....if she wants to see me or talk to me she is going to have to go out of her way. knock on my door. and maybe I will open it. I put in too much time and energy for her to treat me like this. I deserve better than a cheater and lier.
I have lots of friends here and they are helping...it is good with friends who are girls because they think it is so wrong.... She will get hers one day. Im not going to be there to clean it up this time.
well another day and I have used the NC. I dont feel like it is working but it is a little too early to tell. I have lots of friends I am going to be going out tomorrow. Everything is going to be fine.
What really gets me is this - The day after we break up she has that new guy sleep in her house. Jee I wonder what went on there. That is really bad. I dont think I would ever do that to someone. The hardest part about everything is that I am so far away from my family and everything.
My ex is a outdoor freak she likes to rock climb, kayakk, do lots of outdoor things. The new guy is also an outdoor freak. So I dont think she is going to be calling me anytime soon. She has probably forgot about me. I just want her to come crawling back and me say no. I want to see that look on that face. I did everything for that girl. I want her to be just as hurt as I was. I am going to contiune the NC. Until she calls or sends a message. If she wants to talk to me she has to go out of her way to do it. Come to my door and maybe I will anwser.
NC is the only way to go. I would like to thank everyone for your replys I will keep you updated on everything. I am hurt but I am going to stay in control. My life is not that bad. I have my health and people in my family are doing great. I have a job and money and a nice apartment. What more can I need. Dont need a woman to make me happy.
Time to have fun. LIve a little bit. I came to norway for a girl but now i am here to have fun. This is going to be a years long vacation.
NC for 3 days and counting. Still havent heard anything from her but she is still with this guy like every single day. He is staying with her already and she is staying there. What a joke she is. I dont like that. 4 years and no respect for me. NOT GOOD. I am doing good. I am going out with friends alot and enjoying myself here. IF i go home I go home. I dont really care about that. I just hope that she comes crawling back and then I will be like NOPE see ya. I am not going to call her or anything no messages. She is going to have to hunt me down in order to talk to me. I dont want anyone that is going to do that to me. You have to be strong inside and outside. IT is going to be hard but no contact is the only way. Not caring is pretty hurtful and I am just doing it for me. Now i am going to be as selfish as her. Care about just me right now. and my friends. You have to be hard in order to win the game. I will win this and she will be more hurt than I am. NC is the only way people. Trust me.
Thanks to everyone for helping me. I will talk to you all later. I will keep you informed. Continue with your helpful hints.
I totally commend you for your strength! I was dumped two and a half weeks ago by my boyfriend of a year and a half. He cried, asked me what happened to us and then said he was through. The thing is, nothing had changed in our relationship that I knew of, it was news to me. Anyway, my point is, as we travel along this road of recovery, we will feel strong and we will feel weak and the difference in those feelings could literally be one moment to the next. My bad weekend was last weekend. Because I, like you, know that I can make it without him but I was just so sad/angry/hurt that he just treated me as if I didn't exist for all that time (let alone was his girlfriend or best friend).
This is the first time I've posted, but I have spent the last two and a half weeks on here getting inspiration to keep my dignity, follow through with NC and feel some support. Feel fabulous when you feel strong, and when you feel weak, that's ok too, just come back to the forum and stay strong, you're doing awesome.
Day 4 - Well tonight i went to work and after work I went out. Still another day with NC. I dont think I will ever hear from my ex. I really dont think she cares after the last four years that we spent together. Tonight was pretty cool. I went out and the funny thing was after the bar closed three girls came to my apartment to watch a movie and cook a pizza. I think that is wild. I am still sticking to the NC. I dont care if it takes a year before she contacts me. I am a hard nosed son of a b%¤#. If she doesnt ever call me then I know that it would never work out because if someone can not pick up the phone to ask another person how they are doing then I really dont want to be with that person. I actually did meet a girl tonight. Nice and good looking. She was so nice. Seemed like a sweet girl. But it is really too early for me to get into a relationship. I am stil hurt and I know that anything that is begining right now wont really work out and I need to be fair to that person. Well I just wanted to say. The NC is not really working it has been 4 days and I have not heard anything. But oh well I guess. She is with that new guy and she probably isnt even thinking about me. But well some people are cold hearted and I guess she is very cold hearted. Thanks for the messages everyone.
Well here we are at the begining of day 5. I have not made any contact and we just broke up on sunday. I think that maybe this is a good thing. But I dont really know what she is thinking. As you know my girlfriend has found a new guy that is almost the exact person as she is. There is some questions that I do need anwsered.
1. Why wont she call me? We were together for 4 years. Best friends, spent everyday together! I dont understand I never did anything to hurt her. What is her problem?
2. How long should I wait before I am should take contact?
3. Does a realtationship really work out if both of the people are exactly alike? I mean these two are probably meant for one another. They do the same things. They like to be out in the nature and he has lots of money and materialitic things.
I am hurting inside but I really dont want to show it her. I want her to think that I am perfectly fine.
What happens if this relationship with her and her new man doesnt work. What is going to happen then. Personally I am getting a little worried. I know she cheated on me but we have so much history together. Maybe it just wasnt meant to be.
NC can sometimes take a while. Sometimes they never call. Sometimes it takes a few days sometimes a few weeks sometimes months.
Usually its when you have a fight and you break up that they call pretty quickly.
In your case she has someone else. Thats a really tough break man.
Knock on wood I havent had someone break up with me to go with someone else I dont know how that feels, its usually cause I push them away or we have a big fight.
You know that girl from the other day? Its time to ask her out on a date. You could even tell her what happened, you might get a hug out of it.
Anyways
Thats what I did, every time I had a break up with my ex I didnt think id see her again I mean I hoped.. but I went off and found new women.
But remember mine is from a fight, not from finding someone else. Actually
to be truthful there was a few times she told me she found someone else, I just wished her luck with that guy... sometimes it was a lie, sometimes she just wasnt that into them in the first place.
In the meantime, try to let her go, give someone new a chance. Improve yourself etc.. there is a slim chance it may not work out with this guy who knows..
Wow it has now been 8 days of no contact with her. I am getting over her faster and faster each day. Having things to do. Starting to eat better. I am hoping the 8 days turn into weeks and months and then a year. I will get over her sooner or later and find the right girl. I know it. My new job starts soon. I am looking forward to it. I really am. Well Everyone thanks for the advice... 8 days and counting. We broke up sunday and i havent talked her since monday. GOOD TIMES....hehehehehe
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Commendations!!
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