I am in a relationship that will be three years in October of this year. My fiancee is having feelings with one of her friends and does not know what to do. I told her that I would let her have some time alone and see if she wanted to go further then just a friend and see if I was the guy for her and she said no. So now she said that she will stay with me but then forget about him. I say how can you just not have feelings for someone like that. What should I do?

[westernxer]

Is your fiancee 19?

[Fallen_Angel]

No no no...you must be 23-24!

Whoops, sorry. No matter how much I try to squelch the bitterness, it keeps coming back out.

I don't think I'm in a position where I could tell you what to do, given that I recently got out of a long relationship and have also dealt with feelings for a guy friend. I think what you/she need to figure out is what kind of feelings does she have for this guy? Is it just some run-of-the-mill crush or what? Does she have "grass is greener" syndrome?

Furthermore, I'll ask what so many people asked me...is this your first major relationship? Is it hers? Apparently this causes problems. Ack, again with the bitterness!

I'm sure if you told her you thought you were developing feelings for another girl she'd freak. I hope she's considered how this news must make you feel.

[NYCmitch25]

Sean, Just put things on hold for a bit (and downgrade the relationship). Ask yourself how close you guys are, and does your partner always seem emotionally available to you. In many cases it's better react then to just act. Now, it's obvious that she had some doubts, I guess I would think about what they may be, be it her being too young, to perhaps she doesn't feel connected on an emotional level. I guess she deserves a lot of credit for being open with you and I would suggest that you encourage that.

On a Personal note, my wife wanted to marry a guy she dated when in the military but he lived in a different state. This made me feel insecure for a while but I've come around and put it in proper perspective after assesing this now minor detail and giving her time to decide that she wants to be with me.
Oh well, since you truly love her, I would give her a chance by giving things more time. In a year from now if things feel no better, then end the relationship -- by all means, cancel any wedding plans because those will give you a feeling of "no return".

good luck!