Parents dont accept us after 3 years

zuir1 · 30th July 2005, 4:16 PM

Ok. I have a problem I dont know what to do. My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 3 years now but lately her entire family hate us together. Why? Because they caught us about 3 months ago in my house..She is a senior in high school and I have graduated. She cant talk to me on the phone cause her family and she has to sneak it on her cell phone. I cant stop by and see her, its just no matter what they dont want us to have any communications with one another. She loves her family so much but she said she has choosen me over ALL of them. That is a very hard choice for her. Then when I tell her to move in with me she says she cant because she doesnt want to do that to her mom. Besides that school starts for her on monday and her schedule is 630-5pm school and after school clubs. then 5pm-12am work...We cant see eachother on the weekends because were not allowed to. we cant have any communication but were sneaking it. Its becoming so much harder now. Shes barely allowed out and her family doesnt trust her at all. Now is there a way, anyway for me and her to be able to see eachother? Like sneaking or anything? I have tried to talk to the parents and so has she but nothing has worked. I mean come on though shes not a little kid. And this has been going on for like 3 months already with no progess just it getting worst. We have even tried to wait but she is always questioned on who she talks to on HER cell phone. What can we do? We love eachother so much and were only happy when were together. The only person who likes us going out is her older brother 21. But he cant do nothing because the mom knows he likes us and nothing is working out, but he tries as much as he can....What can we do?

suegail · 31st July 2005, 1:47 AM

There really isn't anything you can do but live with it. You've lost their trust and that's all there is to it. Maybe once she's graduated and out on her own you'll be able to be together but as long as she's under their roof it sounds to me as if you are flat out of luck.

zuir1 · 31st July 2005, 1:49 AM

uhhhh lol r u sure? damn...

zuir1 · 31st July 2005, 11:19 AM

Is there anything else anyone else can tell me to do? Any other option? How am I suppose to go around not seeing her?

suegail · 1st August 2005, 1:12 AM

I don't know what your other option would be. You said you've tried talking to the parents and she's tried and they aren't budging. I think you have to accept it, and I wouldn't advise 'sneaking' visits because sure as anything they'll find out and it will only make life harder for her. She is the one who has to live in that house. You can walk away and she can't and I'm sure they will come down hard on her if she is caught seeing you when she's been told not to.

You say you really love her: Do what is going to be the best thing for her right now and just back off. It's not that long a time before she'll be ready to graduate and get out on her own and at that point she can make her own decisions, I would think....

Best of luck...

Zaira · 1st August 2005, 1:23 AM

If she is going to live under her parents house then she has to follow their rules, whether it appears right or wrong.

It does seem very strict, after 3 years, but I'd advise against sneaking around because it will just make things worse.

Unfortunately your girlfriend does have a decision to make - stick with her family and cool off the relationship, or move out and be with you in the hope that her family will eventually calm down.

"Caught Out" - is that the ONLY reason they don't like you? Because it seems they are making an awfully big effort to keep you away from her. I can't help but think there must be more to it, for them to want to protect her so badly.

zuir1 · 1st August 2005, 1:07 PM

no thats the only reason unless its cause her other 3 sisters never finished school and all had kids...but shes gotten so much farther than any of them and even if something happend i look out for her and want her to finish school no matter what. Its just so hard being use to seeing her everyday and so much to barely talking or seeing eachother. Im afraid it has a 50/50 chance of making us stronger or weaker

winnie_05 · 2nd August 2005, 7:31 AM

zuir1 you never mentioned how old you were or hold old your girlfriend is?

did they like you before this has started?

winnie

zuir1 · 2nd August 2005, 11:33 AM

im 18 and shes 17..Well they didnt accept me, soo they didnt like me but they didnt not like me ethier..It was a ehhh yea whatever, but i was always on there bad side for some reason.

winnie_05 · 2nd August 2005, 7:02 PM

From what you say I can't think of any reason why they're being like this then.

Unless they have heard things about you.

Maybe they just feel very protective over their daughter and feel that they are losing her to you.

Maybe they can see what a close bond you and their daughter have and feel threatened by this.

It could be a number of reasons, but good luck and if this is the girl you want to be with dont give up.

MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 · 3rd August 2005, 12:45 PM

Zuir1...have you finished school?

What are some of the other possible reasons her family doesn't warm up to you? Maybe you need to see how you can gain their trust and acceptance rather than spending all your energy on sneaky ways to see your girlfriend.

zuir1 · 3rd August 2005, 4:04 PM

Yes I have finished school, I currently work for UPS and I'm trying to get a new job at AAA. Warm up to them? How? They dont even want there daughter talking on the phone with me. They dont even want to see me at a grocery store. Any communications with me they want eliminated

Lil Honey · 3rd August 2005, 5:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by winnie_05
Maybe they just feel very protective over their daughter and feel that they are losing her to you.

It's a lil late for them to be "protecting" her, since they have allowed her to date him at the age of 14 . . .

Zuir1, I would be veeerrrrrrry careful. She is 17. Whether she consents or not, they could still file charges against you . . .

I think a lot of the problem stems from her sisters' past. I don't know what her parents were thinking the two of you have been doing for three years. But getting caught most likely refreshed their memories of their previous two daughters having children too soon.

Who is paying for her cell phone? She may want to be careful with that, because if they are paying for it, they can get an itemization of the calls [local calls too (?)].

Two things:

1. I think that both of you should expand your horizons. I was a girl who married soon after high school and later regretted never doing anything on my own (having my own place, feeling independent).

2. I think her parents are pretty slow on the upswing of things. It think dating at 14 is unnecessary, yet now it's too late to do anything about it.

I don't have a solution to your problem. All I can say is, allow her to get an education . . . at the very least.

Naive · 3rd August 2005, 5:45 PM

My hubby and I have been together since we were 15 (with some breaks in the middle) and my dad NEVER learned to accept him. I just let it be and I continued to be with him. I cannot make my dad like him (stubborn man) and I am not going to make myself miserable so that my dad can just continue with his life like nothing while I am not with the one I love. He has his life and it's my turn to build mines. In the end you just have to let the parents be and hopefully they will come around.

zuir1 · 3rd August 2005, 6:27 PM

as for her cell phone, she pays all the bills and its under her brothers name. Hes the one who supports us. But he can only help so much