My ex is dating someone and has been since March, I did the NC thing for 2 months to get more over her, and we have been talking for the past 2 months off and on, calls always initiated by her. Well after another 2 weeks of silence she calls and wants to hang out even though she has a boyfriend.
She says she wants to kiss me to see if there is still feelings there and she cannot tell me why she wants to do this and what she will do if the feelings are there. She did tell me she is still attracted to me and misses me. She has been calling wanting to talk about this all last week, she doesn't say she is having problems with her boyfriend and they seem to be fine but just wants to find out if the feelings for me are still there.
Well I didn't know what to say to her and I just told her I was still attracted to her and still care about her, and not much else. I am still very attracted to her and love her and am wondering what to do to keep her interest peaked to where she would want to break up w/her boyfriend and start something w/me again. I don't want her to act overly desparate for her as I think it would scare her off, but should I remain cool?
She has been quiet the last couple days as she has not called me as much, but do you think she'll start to REALLY persue me or back off because I am not fawning all over her. How do I act in this situation?
Keep up the good work. Don't let her think she can just walk back in where you two left off. If I was you I wouldn't get involved with her until after she was way out of the other rs, just keep some distance between the two of you and let her do the contacting. Best of luck to you my friend.
Just let her know that you still have feelings as well, but also make it known you are not sitting around waiting for her and that you go out and still live your life as if you are single. I went through exactly what you are going through and my girl came back to me after 2 months, she did have a current guy, but it is obvious if the new guy was so awesome then they would not be comng back to you. Just be there for her, go out, keep letting her make the contact, although occasionally text her or call just to say hi and keep it short and if you want her again then do it. Good luck
Originally posted by figgurinoutlife
I just told her I was still attracted to her and still care about her, and not much else.
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Originally posted by figgurinoutlife
She has been quiet the last couple days as she has not called me as much, but do you think she'll start to REALLY persue me or back off because I am not fawning all over her. How do I act in this situation?
What I would do is nothing. Act indifferent. Do not say "I am still attracted to you, I still care about you etc." All that does is put the power back in her hands, when you were the one who had the control. It really doesn't surprise me that she isn't calling you the last couple days. In my opinion, she doesn't want to get back together at all but wants to know that you still want to be with her. So she calls you...says she is attracted to you (which is probably true) and then you say you still like her. She got her little ego boost, she knows you still want her and now she thinks she has the power so she has no reason to contact you anymore. She never once mentioned anything wrong with her relationship, she is probably very happy right now. She never said she wants to get back together, she is in a relationship right now and and didn't mention anything wrong. All she said is she wants to 'kiss you to see if she still has feelings' wtf is that. Don't let her control you like that, you're her toy right now and she is calling the shots. When she really wants to get back together you will be able to tell. Anything short of breaking up with her boyfriend and her actually saying "I want to give it a second shot." is just a ploy to get an ego boost at your expense.
Go meet other women fast and you'll start BEING indifferent towards this girl, not 'pretending' to not care. That's all I can suggest right now...
I don't think this girl shares your perspective on relationships. If she valued them the same ways as you do, she wouldn't tell you that she wants to kiss you in order to see if there are still feelings there. She has a boyfriend. Period. You don't walk around testing the waters while you have someone at home. If you're not happy with your partner, have enough courage to set him free, give him the same chance to look around that you want. She had the opportunity to figure out if she still wanted you or not before she started the relationship with her new boyfriend. She had the chance and she didn't take it. Why now?
I honestly don't understand why people always start to talk about their damn feelings with their exes or other people who are interested in them while they themselves are not available. Really, what the hell is going on with people, this kind of egoism is so disgusting.
figgurinoutlife, no matter how much you still love her, you deserve someone better. She's selfish and just looking out for her best. Next time she asks you to hang out, tell her that you both are not dating anymore and that you find it inappropiate that she asks you for a kiss to see if she still has feelings for you or not. Let her know that her behavior is quite disrespectful to you, because you and her boyfriend are not backburner guys who have nothing better to do than to be at her service. Be calm and non-aggressive and if possible tape the talk with her. When she starts to get mean and hurt your feelings, tell her that you will send her boyfriend a copy of the talk to let him see what kind of girl she is.
The kiss thing sounds like bs to me. She has dated you, she knows whether you have chemistry or not. Kissing isn't going to tell her how she feels. All that will happen is all your hard work to get over her will be flushed down the toilet with the rest of her bs.
I'd tell her either you two get back together or you're going NC (this time for good), that you're tired of the games and being stuck in limbo.
So I should do NC again? We haven't kissed or anything yet because now she is being silent, she called everday from Fri. to Wed. eve and she kept wanting to talk about what she should do and I really didn't know what to tell her.
But why would she want to kiss me if she already know if the feelings are still there and cheat on her boyfriend if she wasnt considering getting back w/me?
I was pretty blunt when she asked me how I felt about her, I did not say I still loved her or wanted to get back w/her and only said I still care about you and am attracted to you after she said it to me.
Do you think she is just trying to figure things out right now and needs time to think?
Should I really not call her and wait till she calls me again? I am on good terms with her now which I am thankful for because it has been off and on being mad at each other.
Also I asked her why all of a sudden she wants to kiss me and she said that it hasnt been all of a sudden and that she has still liked me the whole time.
Originally posted by figgurinoutlife
She has been quiet the last couple days as she has not called me as much, but do you think she'll start to REALLY persue me or back off because I am not fawning all over her. How do I act in this situation?
you need to play it cool and indifferent and string her along another 5 or 6 wks. dont' initiate contact but when she contacts you be happy and upbeat and non-serious. don't talke about your feelings or attraction twds her at all. just be nice and calm and cool as a cucumber.
also, and this is impt, let her know indirectly that you are seeing other chicks, even if you are not. this will make her jelous to no end.
tell her something like: "hey, if u wanna get together, thats fine....if not, then thats fine too!"
I'm in a similar situation right now. She called a few days in a row, and now has stopped. So...I am going to stop also. It might have just gotten to be too much for her to handle at the moment. She will call again, I guarantee it. Take things slow, act cool, if it is meant to happen, then it will eventually. Do not give her the power, do not give her an ego boost. Don't tell her your feelings towards her, hold it in and when and if the time comes SHOW her.
Do not give in to her "i want to kiss you" scheme. You would only be helping her cheat on her boyfriend. That is wrong, if you were her boyfriend, what would you think of you or of her? Hold yourself to a higher standard.
Also, if the time comes that you want to do something with her here is what you do. Text her and say "Would you wanna do something tonight? Maybe 'this' or this'? It's ok if you can't or don't think it's a good idea. Let me know." It's important to give her the choice of not hanging out and also to let her choose the activity. It's good to pick one casual activity maybe where there are a lot of people and then another more intimate one. Which one she picks can tell you a lot. Don't let it be more than two friends hanging out though, or you are asking for trouble.
Originally posted by alphamale
also, and this is impt, let her know indirectly that you are seeing other chicks, even if you are not. this will make her jealous to no end.
This definitely would make a woman jealous if she has any kind of feelings for you at all. I have one question though, for the benefit of me and anyone else that wants to know. In what way can you casually mention you are seeing other chicks, even if you aren't? This would be a very handy skill to know please share!
I have told her I am dating, even though I am really not. It is just hard to figure out why she quit calling all of a sudden, I mean I wasn't acting desparate but rather very vague about my feelings toward her. She said she has liked me the whole time, but she sure has a weird way of showing it, anything from acting mean to me, throwing her boyfriend in my face, acting hyper, poking fun at me or embarrassing me in a sort of mean way, or not talking to me.
She is not a shy person only she doesn't always know what to do when she still has feelings for someone.
So if I want to get her back I should not call her until she calls me, right? Does anyone else have any theorys to why she isn't calling now?
Originally posted by alphamale
Let her know indirectly that you are seeing other chicks, even if you are not. This will make her jelous to no end.
Tell her something like: "Hey, if u wanna get together, thats fine....if not, then thats fine too!"
Exactly what I was thinking. If she sees you out with another chick or thinks that you are seeing other chicks you are bound to get some sort of reaction from her and in these situations 95% of the time they do ring back even if you don't want them too.
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