[MonicaD]

This is so insane. My husband and I each picked out kids up at camp yesterday, in seperate cars, and as we were pulling out of the parking lot he called me on by cell phone and invited myself and my son to go get an icecream. Because my son really loves to spend time with his new stepbrother, I agreed. Then My H asked if I was going right home, that he wanted to bring his son by so they could play. I again agreed. I made us all dinner while the kids played. When it was time for him to take his son home to his moms he said he was coming back and did I want to watch the new XXX movie with ice cube. I said if he wants to. I was thinking he wwas going to his apartment. He came back and we watched some of the movie. I went up to put my son to sleep and felt like I too could fall asleep. Right now sleep is a precious thing. I went back downstairs and watched more of the movie. I decided to go to bed. I said good night to my H and headed upstairs. A little bit later my H came up. He crawls in bed and starts holding me tightly. I was just about asleep. He turns me over and starts kissing me and pulling me on top of him, mind you he no longer wants to have intercourse and we haven't in over 5 weeks, he just wants to fool around til he gets off. One minute he is telling me he wants to leave, and that he isn't happy and wants an annulment or divorce and then in bed he is all over me. I am so hurt by things he says, they go through my mind all day. I can't just turn it off cause he is feeling frisky. I pull away from him and ask him to stop. So he says, "Sorry you find me so repulsive!" and rolls onto his side facing away from me. Then he says " I can't believe we lost the physical stuff already." I said it just feels strange. Sighs and We go to sleep. I feel like an jerk now, but I don't understand what he expected me to do after he says he wants to get a divorce. Then this morning he grabs me again and starts lifting my nightgown and again I push his hand away and he kisses my neck and starts to kiss me and climbs on me. I ask him to stop again and he say to me "what is wrong with you?"

I don't understand what he expects me to be like. If you read my other thread, he seems to be pretyy convinced that this is over and that he is obviously confused, but I can't pretend that I feel all warm and fuzzy about this situation. Part of me feels if I just give into him an fool around with him, maybe it's his way of getting back on track, but I feel used. He is leaving later today to go to his parents rental up at the lake.He and his son are going, my son and I were told we could not come. His entire family is going. I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I feel like I have to pull away to prepare my self for his decision of leaving, but he keeps saying he's still here. But his mind is already gone. What should I do?

[Iluvsiamese]

What he is looking for is the same thing my ex was looking for when we separated--easy, free sex, even if it is only fooling around until he gets off. The key phrase here is "he gets off." He doesn't care if you do or not but he wants you to make it nice and easy for him and his suggestion that there is something wrong with you is him trying to coerce you into cooperation.

Tell him to sleep at his own place, don't watch xxx movies with him, and set yourself some boundaries. What he is doing will demoralize you and he will not care. Make him keep his hands etc. to himself.

My ex couldn't understand why I wasn't perfectly happy to accomodate him. I found the whole thing revolting and flat out refused. I'm glad that I did.

[MonicaD]

It wasn't an X rated movie it was an action movie Triple X with ice cube. But I heard what you said. That is how I feel and why I said no. If he was actaully tying to work things out he would be doing it in other ways. Thanks

[Jolene]

This sounds like a sad situation for you.

Even if you thought there was hope to salvage the relationship, he is not helping by forcing himself on you.

To me, it would speak volumes to know that he can pleasure himself only while using me as a masturbation tool when I am his wife and should be his queen.

If it weren't for that strange tidbit with the sexual behaviour, I would have told you there's hope.

They do say that marriage is work, but who do you think is going to end up doing most of the work on this one?