Engagement question.... too young? too soon?

flybeotch7 · 28th July 2005, 11:23 AM

Im 23 and have been with my boyfriend (who's 25) for 3 years now. Is it too soon and/or am I too young to start thinking about marriage? He's graduated college, I'm still attending but theres a huge part of me that wants to take this next step. Help!

LucreziaBorgia · 28th July 2005, 11:39 AM

What are his thoughts on it? Have you discussed how important it is for you to take this next step with him? What did he say?

SoftDrink · 28th July 2005, 12:12 PM

i don't think your age too young, but i think it depends on your relationship and it's maturity and progress levels, and where you both are in life together and separately.

Artifact · 28th July 2005, 12:57 PM

Have you discussed it with him? An engagement is a decision both of you will have to make, and it shouldn't be made unless you are BOTH ready. Like SoftDrink mentioned, it is not necessarily your ages you should be too concerned with, but the maturity of your relationship. i.e.: Have you spent the last three years fighting on and off? Have you talked about what directions your futures are headed? (Are they the same, or similar?) Are you prepared to rely on each other financially and emotionally?

Oh, there are hundreds of things to think about- but probably the most important thing to do at this point is to discuss it with him and see where he is.

flybeotch7 · 29th July 2005, 1:53 AM

let me start off by thanking you for your responces. As far as our relationship goes, I have never gotten along with someone so good in my life. We have discussed marriage in the past and hesays he definatley wants to, but we kind of dropped the subject. I am still in college and have about four more years to go (med) since I didn't go straight out of high school. He graduated college two years ago and runs a highly successful business so finanical issues are not in question. When we discussed engagement 8 months or so ago, we went to a jewlery store where he asked the man questions about 3 karat rings. He made me get sized and tell him what shape I like but I haven't heard anything about it since. I don't want to seem pushy with him so I have avoided the subject. I don't know if this seems crazy but I was beginning to think that maybe he did all this to keep me happy for the time being and he is afraid of commitment. I know 3 years isn't that long, but I don't want to be one of those women who is going on 10 years with no ring.

LucreziaBorgia · 29th July 2005, 8:13 AM

You'll want to bring it up again. Not in a demanding way, but gently just ask him what your future holds together and explain the importance of marriage to you. Let him know your fears about this. The more he knows your fears and motivations, the more he will understand why its important to you.

If you just let it go, you will build up resentment and begin to make assumptions about his emotional state based on his not proposing that might not necessarily be true.