Hi

You'll probably all say that there is people out there with real problems and that I should bug off but I'm telling you my problem anyway.

My boyfriend proposed to me a while ago and we're getting married in three months. Everything is fine. I mean we do have the odd fight but I consider myself a lucky girl as he is a great guy and a great person. From early on in our relationship he has told me how much he loves me and I haven't been disappointed with him in almost 3 years (since the beginning of our relationship).

His friends always say that they have never seen him this way and that I'm making him really happy. He calls me the love of his life and seems happy that I said "yes" when he went down on his knee :-)

Anyway, I do know that he was with this girl about 7 years ago for quite a long time. He loved her A LOT. (he's quite an honest person and therefore tells me the truth about things). He's had many girlfriends but she - up to when he met me - was the only one he really loved.

Now, I would consider myself quite beautiful (slim, quite tall, blonde hair) and I have always attracted nice guys. I'm so happy that my boyfriend and I are getting married and that such a nice guy loves me so much and treats me so well.

So, life has been good. I felt even more beautiful around him and being with such a great man gave me a bit of an ego-boost (in a positive sense) as people have always told me that I'm too negative about myself.

PROBLEM: We went to a party four weeks ago and his ex-girlfriend from seven years ago was there. And she looks really good!!!!!!!!! And I could cry ever since as I know that they used to travel a lot together and were obviously together when my boyfriend was in his early twenties so lots of sex. I had a chat with her and the thought that he also loved her very much drove me crazy!

And now I could just cry as I had this feeling of being the one for him. And that I was really really beautiful for him and thought that's why he proposed to me. But when I saw her I realised that his ex-girlfriend was really beautiful and that he has had that all before and that I'm probably absolutely NOTHING special in his eyes!

I really don't know how to cope with that thought. He touches me and I'm aware that he may have had even stronger feelings for that other woman and found her even more attractive etc.

Any help out there?

[JadeStar]

I think you're being paranoid and insecure. If you feel you're attractive and so does your b/f then you shouldn't feel this way. So what that shes beautiful. Thats on the outside. Just cuz shes beautiful doesn't mean shes a great person with a good sense of humor or a good attitude. For all you know she may be a lousy vain person. If you feel your b/f loves/cares for you and you feel you have a pretty solid relationship then I would say work on your insecuritites. Most men like confident women. Not arrogant, but confident. If you have no other problems right now, and you don't feel that he's wanting her back, then let it go, or he might let you go because of your insecuritites not because of the other girl.



Jade

[JS17]

there's a reason their relationship didn't work out.

Thank you so much for your answer jadestar.

I know that - theoretically - you're right. And I do believe that these sad feelings stem from insecurity but we feel the way we feel and it is really difficult to accept that he dated other beauiful women. I don't know why it is so hard to accept that.

But I guess I'll have to work on that!

[JadeStar]

lolina maybe a counselor can help you with your insecurities. Someone that can put things in better perspective and show you how to deal with things better. They will more than likely get to the root of the matter for why you feel the way you do. A good counselor can pull things from you and teach you how to deal with whatever is going on in your life. A counselor can't do but so much, the real work will have to come from you. Good luck.


Jade

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Just 'cuz she looks hot doesn't mean he wants her instead of you..

If he had feelings for her he would be with her not you ..

Look at the glass as half full not half empty ..

Smile and be happy that you are getting married in 3 months to someone that loves you

[Jolene]

That would bug me, too!

I resolved not to discuss my boyfriend's ex anymore and they are still friends remotely after 3 years since they broke up. He understands that I don't want to meet with her or be friends with her, but that doesn't mean they can't exchange the odd email, conversation or maybe even a lunch together once every blue moon. There's no way he's going in her direction, because he is so far in my direction that I really don't concern myself with why they talk or what they talk about....as long as it's only talking (about her dog and her sick father...you know, the kind of things that friends are wont to talk about).

I hate that he is still friends with her based on principle (and she is not very attractive to me, but I guess he was to her...see where I'm going with that?) but it has caused the worst fighting in our wonderful relationship.

You trust him and you love him. Enjoy your wonderful life and don't let this thing eat you up or you will both lose something wonderful. Like chipping the paint off a new car. It's a shame to lose something so rare and sweet.

If you need to, do some soul searching of your own. Do things that you like to do (alone) and wait it out. The feelings will go away as you realize how much you love him. What will make it easier is if this other woman stays out of the picture as much as possible. He loves you and won't let it come between you and him.....just find a way to purge the sad (insecure) feelings. You are HUMAN. Loving him with all your heart will help, cause it sounds like he really loves you, too. That is very therapeutic.

And yes, they broke up for a reason!!! Never forget that. Who cares about his past. Care about the present future.

Anyone in their thirties has resolved to the fact that for everyone, there is someone out there that we loved and just couldn't have. If that is the case for him, the bottom line is still the same...it's OVER in his mind and hers. Don't worry and enjoy your husband....he will be good to you and that counts for a lot!!!!