If your spouse or s/o has ever cheated, which redflag stuck out in your mind most? Gut instinct usually is best, however, before you found out for sure your spouse or s/o was cheating, theres usally alot of redflags. For some people it might be one or two. Hindsight is 20/20 so which one stuck out more for you? A friend that recently found out her husband cheated told me there were right many things, such as, lying, being late, distancing himself etc. But the one thing that she says that stuck out the most was when he began turning the tables on her. Acusing her of having men, or being paranoid that she was cheating.
My Dad was having open heart surgery and I planned to be there. Dad hadn't been doing well and was not expected to live through surgery. I had asked my DH to go with me incase of the worse.
My friend knew of the surgery and she/OW was going to bring dinner over for us, since I would be out all day............we could have stopped any where and ate. So DH informs me that friend/OW would be going to a lot of trouble and he didn't want to hurt her feelings if someone wasn't home At this time I didn't know of the A but thought it was time to find out why DH was so chummy with OW. About a week later it all came out.
So DH interest in any woman's feelings was the red flag
First affair - change in sexual behavior, he used to want it all the time and then he just lost interest. I attributed it to being very pregnant but I was wrong.
Second affair - cell phone activity, hour long calls to "she is just a friend".
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Sadly enough there was so many red flags.. Doh!
My EXBF was in the USMC.. He was deployed a lot.
He didn't want me to go out even to lunch with my Friends.. out of his own insecurity.
Sooo long story short, he always knew where I was, if he was deployed he would call me at all hours of the day and night to check on me and make sure I wasn't A) out anywhere and B) With anyone else
Point being.. he started to accuse me of seeing other people although he knew where I was at all times.. turned out he was cheating through out most if not all of our relationship... the ****er!
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Besides being served with the paternity papers for the children he fathered during our marraige (with other women)?
I'd have to say the odd absences and "working late" times. If I'd try to call him at work for some reason (e.g. "hey, can you pick up some baby wipes?") at work, they would tell me "oh, he left hours ago."
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"I do," "I'll never lay a hand on you," and "The check's in the mail" are my favorite lies.
Accusing me of not loving him anymore....accusing me of cheating.....when I ask a question he would repeat the question....like "Where did you go after work" HIM-"where did I go?" He is buying time! I found with most guys I dated, when they repeat the question....a lie is to follow. Quickly getting offline when you come in the room.
Also, oddly enough, I had a friend who had a bf that would cheat and he would be overly nice and sweet...that is how we knew each time. He did not want her to suspect a thing. ...little did he know that him being nice was a red flag!
Like many others have posted already, being accused of cheating by the person.
As I had posted this before, I discovered that my ex had met someone online and flew across the country to stay with him for a weekend, while she told me that she was staying with her best friend, who only lived a few hours away. I tried to contact her the first night to make sure that she had made it to her friends ok. Her phone was not on. She later told me that she was getting a bad reception on her phone all weekend and that she couldn't call, whereas all the other times that she had gone to see her friend, her service was perfect.
My own personal red flag there.
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Hmmmm... my ex-husband accused me of cheating under very weird conditions (about a guy who was a grumpy anti-sexual bore who used me financially and ripped both of us off). He told me "A few months ago when you came back from his studio you smelled like soap although it was a very hot day!" I was like "Why didn't you tell me that a few months ago? How can I possibly defend myself now why I smelled like soap?"
Other than that I didn't go out on my own at all. Our kids were very small. During one time when he left me (before this case) I was openly flirting with a cute guy just to spite him and he saw that. But he had abandoned me and our little babies at teh time, we were separated when I flirted. So anyway afterweards we got back together and I told him "I wanted to sleep with S. but I didn't." Yet he didn't believe me and accused me about this other guy too.
Now I became suspicious and think he was the one who cheated.
But hey I don't care a thing! It was loooong time ago... precisely 5 years ago. I got the STD tests done recently so I didn't catch anything from him.
In my case there were ALOT of red flags. Going out for drinks after work with "friends"...stopped kissing me and being intimant...couldnt look me in the eye anymore...stopped wearing wedding ring...the list is endless.
All along I knew something was going on, but she still had the nerve to deny it. We have been together for 13 years, and married for 3. She even had the nerve to go see him on OUR 3 year anniversary a few weeks ago. She has ultimately moved to her mothers house to sort things out.
All the red flags are a dead giveaway, but the gut instinct is the most powerful sign that you know something isn't right. Go with your gut... it is ALWAYS right. Be good, take care!
As soon as I met the other woman in question I knew. Body language and your own instincts tell you all you need to know in a situation like that. Plus, of course, the fact that even if your SO doesn't want you to guess what's happening,chances are that the OW will.
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Which redflag sticks out most?
At this time I didn't know of the A but thought it was time to find out why DH was so chummy with OW. About a week later it all came out. 
It was loooong time ago... precisely 5 years ago. I got the STD tests done recently so I didn't catch anything from him. 
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