[rainshadow]

I'm wondering if someone could give me an objective viewpoint about my situation with my bf. This might seem like a nit-picky thing to be discussing, but I'd sure like some feedback...


I'm currently back home and away from my bf for a period of about a month (we're attending school overseas). Coming home was not the most desirable thing b/c there are a lot of issues with my mom being alcoholic, emotionally abusive, etc. For the most part my mom and I get along, but I've grown up in a very unpredictable and unsafe environment due to her behaviours. I've gone through years of counselling to get the point now where I know what I will and will not put up with.


Long story short, although I know I can deal with this stuff on my own, it feels important to me to have a bf on the other end who is always there whenever i need it. Before I left, he was really sweet and gave me a card saying that he was there for me and hopes that i will feel grounded at home. was really a truly sweet thing to do.


He's been pretty supportive (sending emails saying he loves me, we've had good chats, etc.) except today when he signed into MSN messenger and then quickly signed off. I emailed him right away b/c I needed to ask him a question about our essays and he suddenly signed in and said that he was just 'appearing offline'. He said nothing was wrong but it hurt that he was appearing offline when he knew i was online. Immediately after our conversation, he put his status to offline again even though he was continuing work at his computer.


Maybe this sounds really insignificant, but in a way it sends a message to me 'I don't want you to contact me', or 'I don't want to be available for you'. I'm not a clingy person by any means, but b/c i'm back in an unstable environment which takes so much strength to get through, it seems important for me to know that he's always there for me and not deliberately cutting the lines of communication off.


Am I being too sensitive about this? I don't need him to survive my time at home, and I also realize that sometimes you just don't feel like chatting on MSN. But the fact that we're thousands of miles away and not able to see each other, makes it seem as though he was putting up a barrier so i couldn't contact him - esp. since he didn't check in to see how I'm doing today, etc.


Anyway, would like an objective point of view here. Hard to know if I shoudl just shrug this off and know that he's not trying to hurt me, but maybe just wanted time to himself... OR if I am right in questioning his reliability in regards to support. He does have a tendency to be unpredictable as in he changes his mind a lot about things, sometimes he's very giving and occasionally he can be moody (although this is improving). We have a really great relationship and I dont' want to nitpick about things which should be left alone...

[Merin]

Honestly it doesn't sound to me from what you've said that your BF was trying to be insensitive or ignore you..

He did tell you he was online but hidden.. and you said he was working on the computer.. I don't think he meant to come across as he wasn't available to you if you really needed him, just that he was concentrating on something else and needed to focus his attention on that right then.

[Zaira]

It is possible that he was busy, or hiding from others. He spoke with you so I wouldn't be upset about it.

[rainshadow]

thanks for the replies guys. being at home in an unpredictable environment has made me a bit over-sensitive and reactive to things. it happened to be that he was quite stressed about school and was offline b/c he wanted time for himself and to get some work done. things between us are really great at the moment and i'm only home for another 10 days or so.

i feel silly for writing on the forum for something so insignificant! it's strange how being in your dysfunctional childhood environment can change your ability to be objective.

thanks just the same for the comments - it is well appreciated