[sunshinegirl]

I'm coming up on 6 months since the breakup of intense 6 month r'ship where a lot of people thought we were headed toward the altar. Basically NC the whole time.

Took a very long time but I've started to get my life back. I find reasons to smile, genuinely, during the day. Work is keeping me incredibly busy. I'm traveling a lot. I've made some great new friends. I'm getting involved in volunteer organizations. Between match.com and other connections, there are several guys showing interest in me (I'm not jumping into anything, though).

Cool! Right? I mean this is what recovery looks like, doesn't it? That slow reclaiming of yourself, your life, things start to have color again, you taste food again, you realize you didn't think about the ex right away in the morning, you find people interesting again, you have a faint (very faint) notion in your head that maybe eventually someday if you're lucky someone else might knock your socks off the way your ex did.

Yet I find there's this persistent set of feelings running around under the surface...missing him, feeling sad that he's not in my life anymore, wishing I could share funny things I run across with him, really feeling unsure that anyone else will "enliven" me the way he did. I suppose all of this is punctuated by my continuing confusion over why he walked away, why his feelings changed. He never explained and never will.

It's like a death, where this void exists. Yes, I lived for 30 years without him in it before so surely I can get over--maybe even forget?--this person who was in my life for only 6 months--1/60 of my entire life. But he absolutely changed my life and I am having a hard time imagining that anyone else will be that special to me again.

Has anyone else experienced this? The part about having that continuing...longing, I guess...that is always lurking and sometimes bolts to the surface and makes me still get teary occasionally?

Do I just need to give it more time? Or do I need to be prepared for that vague unresolved missing him set of feelings to stick around indefinitely?

[Mary3]

You are still in the grieving phase if you feel sad when you think about the funny times , the words shared , the incredible moments, the closeness.

It takes alot of time. How much time ? For you ? As much time as you need . It could take another year . Right now is time for research and development of YOU. Right now its all about you Take all the time you need.

No-one can answer how long it will take . For me , it pushed aside quite successfully ...after previous rapid consuming thoughts that progressively got lesser over time.

Dating does help. Dating casually. Dating freely. Opening your mind to your NEW life. Just like we have a NEW America , you have a NEW YOU. The better developed one. The smarter one. The less naive one.

Surround yourself with everything that makes you feel happy. It cannot be him so you need to think of him as if he were gone ( dead some say ) Never existed...And if you want to be greatful for the good times you both had , you can do that too.

[mustangsally]

no

[YouGotServed]

I remember you wrote a reply to my thread when my ex brokeup with me 4 months ago. The truth is I have gone NC since the day we broke off. She never gave me a straight answer except that her feelings were not going anywhere. We were together for 2 years and to have someone just tell you that they are not in the love department with you really hurts. Did the person just act it out while they were with you?.

After 4 months, I still think about her from time to time. But, she has changed for the worse. Backstabbing and inmature. Its nice to think about them but honestly, think about yourself. Only you can have the time to heal because nobody can tell you how long it will take. You will be able to love and trust someone but only you know when that time is right.

Keep your smile and take care of yourself. Remember, when you stop thinking about them, that is when you have free-will to do anything you want in your life.