[Mary3]

There are many levels that need to be reached before we can find the person we are looking for....many couples never reach all these levels and wonder why their relationship never worked out ....

1. Physical Intimacy : You like something about the way that person looks whether it be their eyes or body , ect...their smile...on and on....

2. Aesthetic Intimacy : You both share alot of common interests . You are compatible in certain areas.

3. Recreational Intimacy : You both enjoy spending time together doing things , sharing precious moments and you both just simply enjoy hanging out with eachother.

4. Intellectual Intimacy : Sharing your fears , your hopes , your dreams without fear of rejection or redicule . That person is one that you can share many things with and you know they will be there no matter what your choices .

5. Spiritual Intimacy : Sharing and having similar morals ,values , ethics and some spiritual similarities. Not necessarily sharing the same religion but respecting each others religions.

6. Emotional Intimacy : Total acceptance of that person , able to voice freely your emotional desires and needs and having that person care enough to try and fill those needs. You can share your secrets , Your sensual sides . Your wants and needs met. His / her wants and needs met...

7. Sexual Intimacy : Sharing, the touch , expressions of affections , kissing , cuddling , caressing, smoldering looks you give that person , the sharing of your sexual side. generous foreplay ( Alot of couples go from # 2 to # 7 , never getting to know the other levels.

How many of you have reached all these levels with someone ? I think for me , looking back, only one person, shared in all these levels.

How many of you were left wondering what went wrong ?


Things are going to change now lol

[crazy_grl]

Pretty good list, but

Originally posted by Mary3
2. Aesthetic Intimacy : You both share alot of common interests . You are compatible in certain areas.

Why did you call this aesthetic intimacy? Aesthetic refers to beauty and appearance. I don't get how it relates to sharing commen interests.

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by crazy_grl
Why did you call this aesthetic intimacy? Aesthetic refers to beauty and appearance. I don't get how it relates to sharing commen interests.

Right. Even the intellectual description is incorrect. Intellectual refers to how smart, intelligent, wise, and educated you are, not hopes, dreams, and fears. I assume you meant compatibility in terms of conversation.

Psychiatry recognizes three basic types of compatibility between partners: emotional, sexual, and intellectual. They all need to be there at the same time and it's considered that intellectual is the most important. (Don't ask me why, it's not me who made it up).

I agree that people should have mutual interest and do things together. They definitely need to share similar values in terms of morality. Your list is great. I would just add a few more things:

- each partner needs to have a life and not be emotionally dependent, clingy, and needy. Relationships need to be symbiosis of two parties, not a parasite and a host

- there has to be a lot of tolerance between the partners, because we make mistakes all the time and fights make life unbearable

- partners need to trust each other, confide in each other and be open, honest, and loyal

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I think we had #3 and maybe a bit of #1.

[Mary3]

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Here is from the article. "

Have you ever met a new friend and been amazed at all of the interests you have in common? This is aesthetic intimacy. To reach this level, you begin to get to know the other person’s tastes in music, clothes, food, art and many other areas. If you ever want to find out if you are aesthetically compatible with a potential mate, go to a furniture store, art gallery or even a clothing store to find out what styles each of you like.

Aesthetic Intimacy is your first look into compatibility. For example, if nice furniture and quality goods are important to you, getting into a relationship with someone who doesn't care about appearances and considers cheap to be adequate is a recipe for trouble.


1. Physical
2. Aesthetic
3. Recreational
4. Intellectual
5. Spiritual
6. Emotional
7. Sexual
8. Unconditional





Other possible conflicts arise with tastes, like music. If she likes Rap and only listens to this type of music, and you can't stand it, but listen to everything else, you can read this as an opportunity to expand her horizons, a torture chamber for your ears or as an indication she is closed to new ideas and experiences.

You & your partner are aesthetically compatible if you both can
answer Yes to all of these situations:

Your choices in music, theater, art and home furnishings/decor though they may not be exactly the same, are tastes each of you can appreciate, live with and share together.

Your differences in nutritional preferences are politically and theologically compatible.

Your clothing styles, body ornamentation and jewelry choices are complimentary and do not cause embarrassment to each other. (i.e.: an attorney or business executive will have a difficult time taking a spouse to a function if he or she adorns with nose rings, visible tattoos or purple hair).

Below are key questions to ask yourself about your partner. If you can answer all of these by knowing your partners responses, it means you've explored and established aesthetic intimacy. These are also great questions for parties and gatherings when you want to learn about new people.

This was taken from the article...