Is this normal behavior between exs? What ever happened to "moving on"?

baltimoregirl42 · 12th July 2005, 3:32 PM

Here's the deal, I'll try to keep it short:

I went away on vacation for a week with my bf of 9 months to his hometown. We went out with lots of his friends, spent time with the fam, partied, relaxed, and had a great time. The last night we were there his friends planned a party for him (a farewell party is what I guess you could call it). Friends called him on and off all day for directions, the time, etc. His ex called about half a dozen times, the first time early in the morning around 9am, and then it continued through out the day/evening. She called one time when I was standing right next to him and I heard the conversation. She was flirting with him, telling him what she was wearing, giggling, and just generally being obnoxious. She was heavily hinting that she needed a ride to the party, and when he didn't bite she asked, "Is your fiancee going to be there?". He replied, "Well, it's not that serious, but yes. She will be there". I made it clear to him that I wasn't happy about the situation and I really didn't want to spend the last nigth of my vacation with him and his ex. I was also offended by what he said that "It was not that serious". He said he didn't mean it like that. I tried to blow it off.

I know that they still talk every couple weeks, although I'm not sure how long they were together. I do know that they have known each other for a while. I even met her last time I was home with him for Christmas, and she knew who I was. She gave me dirty looks all night the last time. This of course made me very uncomfortable.

She ended up not showing up, but called him all night long and he didn't answer her calls.

My question is this: is this normal behavior between exs? I don't want to jump to conclusions or overreact, but I just don't understand this behavior. Is this really that big of a deal or is this kind of behavior to be expected and I should just "roll with the punches" so to speak?

Cecelius · 12th July 2005, 3:38 PM

No, I don't think it's normal. It is not as if these people were married or have a child or something like that.

I think you need to politely but clearly shut this BS down and explain to him that it is not in your picture for you or him to hang around with some girl he used to bang.

Zaira · 12th July 2005, 8:54 PM

No, its not normal. The girl wants him back, and it appears he likes having her chasing him. He needs to tell her to back off.

Merin · 12th July 2005, 9:12 PM

What? Your his Fiancee' and he told his EXGF that the 2 of you aren't that serious?
Oh hell nah!

Hmm.. I would love to know what he said he DID mean when he told his EXGF that?
Sheesh!

Iluvsiamese · 13th July 2005, 8:45 AM

She is definitely still chasing desperately and he is letting her. I don't understand this thing either. When I end a relationship, I move on, period. I learned that in my college days. I had a relationship that was off and on over an extended period. Nightmarish, by the time it ended. Since then, I don't look back no matter how tempting.

He isn't showing respect for you when he allows her to behave like this. He should cut the ties with this person and move on. He may not be "responding" or technically doing anything wrong, but he isn't doing what's right either.

beginnerinlove1 · 13th July 2005, 9:31 AM

Hi there,

I would be very careful in regard to his EX. I have just begun to go through a painful breakup due to his EX interfering severely with our relationship. Although it seems he has enough respect for you to ignore her calls at times, it is imperative that you sort this matter out immediately, otherwise the manipulating ex will wreck everything.

Check out my post if you like.

N

baltimoregirl42 · 13th July 2005, 11:08 AM

Just to clarify (as I might not have made this clear) he and I are not engaged. She asked if his "Fiancee was coming" and he responded with, "It's not that serious, but yes. She will be there".

He claims that they are just friends and I know that they still talk semi-regularly. Since she is thousands of miles away I don't really feel threatened by this, the situaiton was just very uncomfortable and I don't know what to make of it.

He told me not to worry, that they are just friends, and that when they broke up they stayed friendly towards one another and that's it.

I'll admit, I don't quite get it though. I personally don't carry on that kind of behavior with my exes, but that's just me.

Iluvsiamese · 13th July 2005, 4:39 PM

I think that his idea of just friends and hers don't mesh. He may be just friends (or at least thinks that he is) but she's not there. She will continue to do her best to sabotage your relationship as long as he will allow it--distance or no distance. He needs to let her know that her behaviour is inappropriate. It ought to be making him uncomfortable and the fact that it's not, makes me wonder a bit. You have a right to be concerned. I have a thread in "Jealousy" about someone hanging on so I know the feeling.

MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 · 13th July 2005, 4:48 PM

Have you seen the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding"?

I would suggest being overly and sickeningly nice to this girl and instead of steering your boyfriend away from her, just play along and make nice nice and maybe she will see what an a$$ she is being.