i came across this forum and thought i'd ask for advice.

first some info... i'm 28, and broke up with my ex-g/f of 4 years, about a year and a half ago. i've dated a bunch of women (actually 12 of them) over this period of time. a few months ago i started hanging out with my ex again.

we had a crappy breakup, she cheated on me. we had problems with our relationship at the time, we were fighting a lot, etc, etc. lots of issues, and we needed time apart. anyway... fortunately or unfortunately, we still have a great connection...

since we've spent time together lately, i'm starting to feel attracted to her again. the other night i gave her a couple of kisses before we parted ways. it seemed to go well at the time but the next time we hung out she asked about this incident and i got the feeling it wasn't the right thing to do. unfortunately we're on some kind of eggshells around each other so we didn't say much about this.

i'm getting fed up with this and asked a friend for advice. he told me to stop spending time with her or make an attempt to get her back. if the attempt fails, then cut her off. that way i have nothing to lose since i'm cutting her off in the worst case. i'm not getting anything out of spending time with her now, except that i've got more problems dating other women. the problem is that, given the nature of our breakup (she broke up with me and cheated on me) i don't want to put my ass on the line for her. it seems like i'm doing the opposite of what i should be doing, which is to keep my self respect and if she wants me back she should be the one working for it.

what do you think? maybe someone can advise.

thanks very much.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Just stop talking to her and spending time with her.. Stop being her friend.. You can't be her friend b'cuz you have feelings for her and she doesn't know what her feelings for you are.

NC is the only way

[EC]

Just stop talking to her and spending time with her.. Stop being her friend.. You can't be her friend b'cuz you have feelings for her and she doesn't know what her feelings for you are.

I agree. She cheated on you man! If she did it once she will do it again because there was something missing for her with you.

I say cut her off completely and implement NC. She is an ex for a reason and she left YOU. She should be the one crawling back!!! and asking for advice.

[RecordProducer]

I don't necessarily agree that cutting her off is the worst thing that can happen. The revival of your old relationship can be painful itself, not to mention if the history repeats. Right now you're ready to take her back, but later you might feel angry because of the past.
It doesn't have to be her who should initiate the relationship. You can talk to her about it and if she feels the same, I suggest that you first resolve all the problems then start fresh and new. If you leave the baggage to be solved in the run, it might destroy your love. You must fully trust her and she must deserve it so that you can be happy together.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

What exactly did she say about the kissing that gave you the impression it was the wrong thing to do? Did she outright say it was the wrong thing to do?

Tell her exactly how you feel and what you want, and the only way you will lose your self-respect is if you still try to pursue something with her if she doesn't feel the same way.

hmm, when i asked her whether it was a bad idea she said 'no' actually. however, she did say it was confusing since she just got over me during this time apart. the rest was vague stuff about what we would do if either of us starts dating again. something came up and our conversation trailed off after this.

hehe, maybe it wasn't just an impression come to think of it.

thanks for the replies.