why don't i find anyone attractive anymore?

caity_d · 5th July 2005, 5:21 AM

I don't know what's wrong with me! I have been single for a year after breaking up with my ex of 3 years.... and now every guy that likes me, i don't like them... in particular this one guy i have been hanging out with, he is lovely, funny good looking....... and wants to be with me, but I don't find him attractive... He's come out of a long term relationship and now he likes me and I want to be straight with him, but don't want to ruin the friendship. it's really frustrating, I think I may be alone forever at this rate!

ReluctantRomeo · 5th July 2005, 6:16 AM

Do you still carry a torch for your ex, or is it something more complicated than that?

couragous · 5th July 2005, 6:23 AM

Its because you still have feelings for your ex.I loved a guy so much and its not working out for me either and can't get myself to look at anybody else,it just hurts to much so I just push them away

Marshbear · 5th July 2005, 1:18 PM

Many times when we have had a bad experience with and ex or SO we won't let ourselves feel to keep ourself safe. It is a common reaction and it depends upon the level of mistrust with men/women as to what level of disconnection we seek. A year is not along time so I wouldn't be to concerned yet but if you find you really would like to move forward but you just can't then you probably need counseling.

I think you will become attracted to men again. It is just a safety net that you have built up around you heart. Do you desire sex and not a relationship? Sometimes people will have sex with a person but will not want a relationship because of fear. It is the "sex in the city" syndrome. You will use men for what you want but will protect your heart. Men have done it for years and now women are experiencing that they too can block their emotions and just have sex.

I think what you are feeling is normal after a bad breakup. I hope you can give your friend a answer and not leave him hanging. It isn't fair to him. You must realize that you can't keep just a friendship with him if he wants more. It sucks for both of you but that is life...

laRubiaBonita · 5th July 2005, 1:30 PM

maybe it is Not other people, but Yourself you have a problem with?

lvgrl · 5th July 2005, 1:38 PM

No, I dont think it has anything to do with not being happy with yourself. You were with someone for 3 years its not going to be a peice of cake getting back into the dating world..

But maybe you should date a little..There is no relationship there and its just dating..Do what freakin guys do, date around see whats out there.

And if your dating more that one person at once, just be honest with the people you are dating..Just tell them that you are not looking for a relationship right now, and dating is what you wanna do. Well thats if you want to.

Rosalind · 5th July 2005, 1:59 PM

Because you're still healing.......don't worry too much about it - it's OKAY if it takes longer than a year.

The good news is : this is waaaaaay better than if you had immediently jumped into a new relationship, or started dating non-stop right away to diminish a feeling of low self-esteem.

You'll be alright

caity_d · 5th July 2005, 10:06 PM

Thanks guys. I don’t know what it is. I’m pretty sure I’m over the ex-boyfriend… I think the only feelings I have are resentment! He’s already engaged to be married anyway… didn’t take him long to get over me that’s for sure!

I have been dating, it’s just weird that my heart is never in it, even less so when the person I am with is really into me and I even get to the point where I can’t be bothered getting to know them… I’m not interested in a relationship… or sex… or anything, it’s really strange. I went a bit crazy after we broke up and had a few flings (well more than a few), and haven't been intimate with anyone for about 3 months... it's funny to go from one extreme to the other!

laRubiaBonita · 5th July 2005, 11:49 PM

so there is nothing technically wrong with these guys (flings) that you really know of....or even knew long enough to know of?

been there, done them, maybe

!

but, if it NOT these folks.......then who is the other half?

are you trying to prove to yourself that you are sexy, cute, etc....?

are you are doing is using yourself, and for no apparent good reason.

get some self respect and quit using yourself for selfworth!