So MM asked me to go help him with something (at work) I thought it was work related, so I went with him, he led me to his office to show me some stupid crap. Fine. As I walked out, one of my colleagues saw us and started making comments...like.."hmmmmmmmmm what were you guys doing behind closed doors" So I just blew it off...MM goes, I'm trying to get her alone" but he said it in a tongue in cheek type way.
Anyway, I got back to my office, and the same guy left a messsage on my voicemail that was basically saying he and I were screwing in his office....but in a joking type way. I was pissed off...So I made the MM hear the voicemail the next day, and instead of him getting mad, he started laughing his arse off...I told him I did not think it was funny and he needs to go tell this individual to stop and to tell him that we are just friends....WEll, he did say something..but more to the affect of "wooooooow, that was just wrong" instead of taking it seriously.
The rest of the day he was happier than a pig in shi*. Evidently happy people are linking us together as a "couple" He was singing my name down the hallway too and saying I'm gonna help him fill out his divorce papers. Nice huh?
Of course he is going to be happy and nonchalant because for a man having things said like that is a compliment, something to feel proud of but for a woman it's embarrassing. Be up-front and tell him that he has to be a man and say the truth!!!
Originally posted by ~Naive~
So are you in a relationship with this man?
No, we are not, I consider him a friend...but he has an emotional thing for me...but we are certainly NOT in a relationship, nor are we doing anything physical.
Well, when I told him to Man Up and go tell him the truth...his way was saying..."man, that was wrong what you left on her machine" He didn't deny it either.
You are well outed at work now, and its only a matter of time before the W finds out. This 'jokiness' to your face at the office hides a lot of serious non-joking vicious stuff that is undoubtedly being spread around behind your backs.
I know you aren't involved physically with this man, but you are involved emotionally on some level and you have encouraged this emotional affair you are having. Maybe some part of you enjoys the idea of a man going helplessly ape over you like this - but you are playing with the emotions of what sounds to be an emotionally unstable person, and it is inching toward blowing up in your face every day now. He is head over heels for you - and don't think for a second that 'not being involved physically' makes a bit of difference. An affair is an affair - you may not be as into it as he is, but you are in it.
The question is: what are you going to do with it? He is destroying your reputation, and make no bones about it: you can be the most upstanding citizen in the world but he is allowing your professional colleagues to see you as nothing more than his piece of ass on the side. Certainly not someone who can be respected or taken seriously by anyone working there. And you are letting him do this to you.
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
Location: Where the happy Martian Llamas frolic joyfully and run in place grinning
Posts: 223
Say these words: "sexual harrassment" and "My attorney" in the same sentence you tell him to clarify the situation.
go over his head and tell the HR department or his manager about it. Send that person to the guy who made the first comment for verification. Hope you didn't erase the voicemail.
PS: Pigs are actually clean animals -- it's their owners who have left them in mud and slime and ****. I raised pigs and given proper accommodations, they don't seek out mud and filth to roll in.
Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia
- and don't think for a second that 'not being involved physically' makes a bit of difference. An affair is an affair - you may not be as into it as he is, but you are in it.
I am not sure I agree with that, I know there are those who say an emotional affair is the same as physical, but I don't buy into it at this point. Yes I know there are feelings involved...but we haven't crossed that line...
As for work, I think people know HE is chasing after me, I'm pretty sure they know I haven't done anything, just maybe enjoy the attention.
But I think in time, I think he will make sure people don't have that doubt...So I keep bringing up his wife, and if I were seriously involved with him...I wouldn't be saying those things because they would hurt too much. I have nothing to hide, therefore; I can talk openly because nothing is going on (physically).
If you know all this is happening why are you hanging around this guy? If you want nothing physical or if you're not enjoying some of the attention then why are you even going around this guy. If you're truly uncomfortable with the rumors flying and you're uncomfortable with the thought of maybe something getting physical and or leading to an affair I just don't see why you don't stop hanging around this guy. I'm trying to understand not bash you. Because from where I'm sitting it does appear a little bit like you like this stuff. Not that thats bad. We all love attention, myself included. I may be wrong, I often am. So if you'd just like to shed some light on the situation so I can clearly respond to you in the ways that you need that would be greatly appreciated.
BoatingBabe, I don't know your whole situation as I don't get the chance to come here a lot to read other's post (I don't have my own computer), but your situation from this thread sounds like how my A started. My exmm didn't persue me, I persued him, and now look where I am at, dumped by him. I filed for a D from my H to be with my exmm because he filed for a D from his W (thought it was perfect, we could finally be together). My exmm and I did flirt a lot, and I finally did tell him I was attracted to him which led to the start of a EA turning into a PA. People at work were saying awful things about me behind my back at work. I was looked down upon by women and men whom I worked with. So far it hasn't been so bad since my my exmm broke it off with me but I still feel a little tension with my co-workers. It's bad enough getting involved with a mm but to actually get involved with one you work with is even worse. Just be careful.
Originally posted by I was the OW
It's bad enough getting involved with a mm but to actually get involved with one you work with is even worse. Just be careful.
Yes I know, I have gotten involved with men at work in the past (single guys) twice, and each time, the break up was pretty bad. But this is different in that I never looked for it..I never wanted it...it's just been going on for so long that I was pulled into it...don't ask me how or why, but somehow I was...call it momentum.
I really do want out, I don't want to get hurt...I don't want to risk my reputation....I wish I could crawl under a rock until he goes home.
I would think his behavior is pretty risky considering that he is not dic yet? If the W does hear something(true or not) it can be a HUGE problem and if she is spiteful, you can be dragged into the div and possibly adultery can come up(eventho it is not true). I would be very careful. He is not thinking clearly if he is laughing about it. Any guy going thru a div knows that he is being watched by everyone of her friends, her friends friends and so on.
Originally posted by JPMorgan
Say these words: "sexual harrassment" and "My attorney" in the same sentence you tell him to clarify the situation.
go over his head and tell the HR department or his manager about it. Send that person to the guy who made the first comment for verification. Hope you didn't erase the voicemail.
If you're not interested then yes, it is sexual harrassment, and you should make it known.
Wait a second......is he even going thru a div? I assumed he was since you are posting in the "Other Woman/Man" section? I guess I jumped to that conclusion, but reading again.......I do not see where he is getting div?
You don't have to really speak with him except on a strictly professional level. I just think you make it harder on yourself when you put yourself in compromising positions. I would stay away from the guy. When his wife finds out you'll probably have more problems than this. Be careful.
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