11 months ago, my ex wife told me she had found someone else. They met via a message board they frequently posted on. We live in the UK and this person she has met lives in the US. A week later she told me she had found someone else, she filed for a divorce which actually was finalised 3 weeks ago. Now she is planning to marry this guy in 4 weeks time. She is flying to the US to marry him and then bring him back to live in the UK. We have 4 children. It has been a very difficult time for me, and even though its been 11 months, i am still feeling the hurt very much.
Divorce sucks whether it is in the U.S. or in the UK especially when your wife goes off the deep end and does something completely unexplainable. My ex did something similar but at least we didn't have kids to have to fight/worry over. All I can say is I've been there and you will survive this personal tragedy. Here's some very free advice, stay as busy as you can, get as much exercise as possible, and eat whether you want to or not. You'll be amazed at how the stress will fatigue you and you'll physically run yourself down from it. I don't know what to say to your kids other than make sure they know that you love them and you'll be there for them no matter what happens. In the meantime, plan for a life without your ex in it and take care of yourself.
Beth, the kids are with her... As far as i knew, the marriage (although not perfect) certainly wasn't i thought at any threat of a divorce. We had been married 15 years as well.. We are pretty young, we got married very young, she was 16 and i was 18, childhood sweethearts type thing... we loved each other so much, i still do. I was not perfect in the marriage, i certainly knew that, and things become samey after a while... she must have just became bored and found new interest and fantasy through the use of chatting to guys on the internet. very heartbreaking..
i know now that im a better person for what i have been through.. i know what my mistakes were and i have put them behind me. its heartbreaking that i will never be able to get the chance to show her my changes as she prepares to be married to someone else in months time...
i sort of know how you are feeling some good days some bad my partner left me for my neighbour after being togeather for 16yrs, the kids live with me but that doesnt make it any easier just keep on smiling hold your head high, i know it is hard just love your children , and take one day at a time, i'm still sort of want my partner back but know he wont never be comming back i also know i wasnt perfect and we endeed up just plodding along but he had problems and took them to the neighbour instead of telling me, be strong for uyourself and the children and good luck
thank you ever so much for your lovely heartfelt response, its amazing how our own experiences not only compare but also make you realise that you are not the only person out there suffering the heartache.. i can relate to everything you said.. i know i have grown and become a much better person since she left me, and i will continue to grow.. its a shame that my ex wife has chosen to persue a new relationship rather than actually try to repair a 15 year marriage...
but as by nature i am a happy person, i always try to remain positive even in horrid times of lonliness and sorrow, but i choose to write them down and even turn them into some form of poetry, makes me feel better and make sense of what is going on..
my seperation is only 1 month old and yes it is hard especially as he goes in my neighbours to be with her, he said i didnt listen and she did but she knew all along wat his problems were but didnt tell me she was supoosed to be my friend, i dont sleep well at moment and found comming on this web page helpfull i wish lots happiness for the future ,i have filed for divorce that might make it better i dont let them see me upset all my neighbours are shocked at what they are doing but i can stand in street and hold my head high
Dolce, you will get over her. My ex-husband left me when our babies were little and I was devastated. But my wounds were healed within a couple of years. I found another guy... and then another one. My mom told me then: "You will love and be loved 100 more times." Trying to stay strong is the most important thing in such situations. Time does heal a broken heart. Keep your head up high!
thanks very much for your response. I agree with you about i will get over her, however, im not at all ready to meet someone else, if at all... im quite happy staying single even if it means indefinately... "once bitten twice shy" and all that.... dont think i could survive another one like this to be honest, its taken a year JUST to get to where i am now, and i feel its not even that great of a leap forward, but it is a leap because i can now live a life and am pretty stable with my emotions, although now i face the repocussions of what happened, eg, confidence has gone etc....
Kath,
Stay strong, dont make yourself ill... i was like that in the first couple of months, often crawing up in a ball and cried myself to sleep... but the way i helped it was by taking the focus away from it by keeping busy, doing more of my hobbies and finding some different ones... keeping busy is the key.... but it is hard work, even now i sometimes still slip into a deep thought mode, which is really not what i want to do, but i try hard to snap out of it and continue to do something else... but i know how you feel, its really hard.. you dont just throw away 15 years of marriage and the experience of the birth of 4 children in a hurry, the bond and closeness you once had with your ex is so strong that you never thought it was posible to be apart... i never dreamed it at all.. and now that its happened, its actually tarnised my belief about relationships, esecially after a serious one like this... if these were casual reltionships then ok i would always of had the thought that one day it could end, but not when you're married for so long and gone through so much.... so it makes it that much harder to come to terms with and trust again....
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