[Haunani]

I was perusing the book store yesterday after I heard the terminology "Borderline Personality Disorder"...... and a friend mentioned my h might be accused of having this disorder, that it wouldn't hurt to check it out.

So I did....so many things in there are common to what I've been going through, the roller coaster emotions, the walking on eggshells. The way he goes from extreme being nice, to the next being angry and unable to discuss anything.

However, at the same time there's alot of controversy at to the term "BPD", and that it's like a catchall for things unexplainable.

Has anyone you know been diagnosed for this? How was the outcome? I read they usually do well with medication and therapy that usually last for 10 years then it becomes better.

I am not saying my h has this until it's diagnosed, but it's very interesting how some of the symptoms are exactly what I'm going through - mostly alot of pain, back and forth......

Haunani,

If your H has BPD my heart goes out to you.. I was married to a woman with BPD for 5 years and the life that I lived was full of chaos, unexpected twists and turns and alot of anger..

The only advice I can give you is to read a book called " Stop Walking on Eggshells " it's for people in love with someone who has BPD. When I read it I couldn't believ I was reading my life in the book.

It's been many years since then and I have healed but it took me many years. The pain a BPD person can put you through hurts and lasts a long time.

Take care

AFOTW

[Haunani]

funny thing is I did get that same book you speak of, and I stayed up all night reading it...it has opened my eyes a lot and I definately see many things in common, funny thing is, if I would have found that book years ago, it probably could have helped me some and get over that thought of *I am crazy or what*, the way they twist your brain and you sit there dumbfounded and still angry, and it hit me when he's gone on, and I'm still seething and not understanding why I'd be upset, his response would be "get over it", and I'd sit there thinking, I know I'm not crazy., at least now there is some sort of answer.

Still not enough to live with for the next 30 years.......

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Haunani,
It's great you have read the book, It is a good book.

Some of the things I had to deal with:

I would talk to her at about 5:00 pm, Everything would be fine and we would talk about where we were going go eat. When I would walk in the front door 25 mins later it was like the previous conversation ever happened. She was all pissed off at me telling me I never take her anywhere for dinner. ( we ate out every night ). I would be dumbfounded and think what did I do wrong. This happed at least once a week if not more.

Don't let them twist your mind into thinking your the problem and that you are crazy. You dealing with someone with a mental illness.

Her spending was another big issues. She would spend 4 hours a day shopping and would buy thousands of dollars of stuff and then return it all the next day. She did this every day that we were married.

I used to laugh and think that I have the only wife that has a real job shopping every day. She treated just like a job.
The stories go on and on..

I did go thru about 16 months of therapy during the marriage trying to learn how to live
with someone with BPD. What I learned in therapy is how to get out of the marriage with my health and sole intact.

AFOTW

[smile95]

my best friend was diagnosed. She left her husband and he discovered she had it, sat her down and explained. She took NO drugs and was in therapy for about 7 months and is doing soooo much better. Read about it. It has to be that the person wants to change and realizes they need to or it will never work. She was my best friend for yrs and I always knew SOMETHING was wrong, but never knew what. She was suicidal, making up stories to hurt people, lying, getting mad over nothing, all kinds of stuff. Just be sure they know that you are trying to help them. Approach it correctly.

[orta]

Be careful about reading books like these; doing so tends to make one think everyone around him is mentally ill, and it becomes increasingly easy to label others. Let qualified mental health professionals do the diagnosing. If there is no official diagnosis, speculating as to someone's mental health isn't really a good thing to be doing, I think. It is too easy to find mental problems with people in general, people who are usually quite fine.

[Mz. Pixie]

Bless your heart. My mother had a narcassistic BPD. It took me years of therapy to get over it. Some people who are borderline never seek treatment because they think the problem is with everyone else.

There is a book by Ann Rule about a narcassistic mother- her name was Diane Downs. She killed all but one of her children to get attention then pretended like she didn't do it- even though her daughter testified against her. These are fascinating people at a distance but a horror to live with.

It took me years to learn how to deal with her when I finally sought therapy for the damage she'd done to me during childhood.

There is not enough money on the face of the planet to make me live with someone with BPD ever again.

[nightskyreader]

The personality disorders can be a pain to deal with. Medication almost never works, and I don't even think is indicated. I believe behavioral therapy is the treatment of choice- though I'm not a psychiatrist so don't hold me to it.

When trying to remember the personality disorders for medical school, I would create a character that had an extreme case of each disorder, an archtype if you will. The Borderlines tend to be women, and they are your typical crazy b*tch if you pardon my expression. They have been known to self-mutilate, manipulate others, swing moods, cry one minute and laugh the next, etc. I have only known one truly borderline person in my life however (though I have seen a few in the psych unit) , so I think they are pretty rare. I would definitely recommend seeing a psychologist over a psychiatrist for the diagnosis and treatment of personality disorders. Their rates are cheaper (usually) and they can perform all the necessary treatments (behavioral).

Regarding that Narcissistic Personality Disorder person who killed her children for the attention, that doesn't sound right to me. Narcs are your general "I'm special and deserve some sort of privileged treatment" person. We all know people who have this disorder. It's pretty common. It sounds more likely that the lady had some crazy case of Munchausen by Proxy to me.

[Mz. Pixie]

Read the book and see what you think. She started as a narcassistic- but as you should know from medical training they border on being psycho paths.

Many borderline mothers inflict horrible abuse on their children. I was in a support group for three years- one girl's mother killed her pets because she didn't want her to love anything else but her...........

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by Haunani
However, at the same time there's alot of controversy at to the term "BPD", and that it's like a catchall for things unexplainable.

It's a notoriously difficult diagnosis, so you're right not to label your h with this yourself.

Some random facts. It's a good deal more common in women. All of us show at least some traits of one of the personality disorders, so your h may have borderline traits.

Has anyone you know been diagnosed for this? How was the outcome? I read they usually do well with medication and therapy that usually last for 10 years then it becomes better.

Outcomes are not usually this good I'm afraid.

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie
She started as a narcassistic- but as you should know from medical training they border on being psycho paths.

Not true... they're 2 distinct conditions.

[MySugaree]

The Borderlines tend to be women, and they are your typical crazy b*tch if you pardon my expression. They have been known to self-mutilate, manipulate others, swing moods, cry one minute and laugh the next,

Gawd, I think I'm dating one!

[Mz. Pixie]

I'm not sure how they could be- except perhaps in classificiation but they do things alot alike. No empathy for others- only see other people as an extention of themselves- cruelty.