In our state (NC), you can date but you cannot have sex. It still counts as adultery. It can get messy should your STBX wants to give you a hassle about it. You may want to consider a separation agreement. If your STBX does not want to sign and agree to the separation agreement, then you will want to be aware that dating before that divorce is final can open you up to a variety of claims against you (and in some cases against the person you are dating).
__________________ Take what is handed to you, and hand it back twice...
Last edited by LucreziaBorgia; 23rd June 2005 at 4:01 PM..
Here on the W.Coast, most states have no-fault divorces, so you can get busy with your spouse's entire family & no bad will come of it in the courts. (You'd be a really sick person, but nothing bad would come of it in court.)
__________________
"I do," "I'll never lay a hand on you," and "The check's in the mail" are my favorite lies.
In NC, you can be demolished for affairs - or even participating in one if you are an OM or OW.
Here, we have 'criminal conversation' in which the OM or OW can be sued for monetary damages. Here is what won't work as a defense:
the defendant did not know the other person was married
that the person consented to the sex
that the plaintiff was separated from his or her spouse
that the other person actually seduced the defendant
that the marriage was an unhappy one
that the defendant’s sex with the spouse did not otherwise impact on the plaintiff’s marriage
that plaintiff had mistreated the spouse
that the plaintiff had also been unfaithful
There is also 'alienation of affection' in which sex doesn't even have to be involved. If an OM or OW causes any loss of love in the marriage, the BS can sue them. So, if someone is having an EA and the BS suffers from the effects in any way, shape or form - then the OM or OW will pay out of pocket for it. Prior marital problems do not count as a defense.
Basically, if you have an affair - either physical or emotional - with a married person in my state the BS can sue the OW or OM. There is a three year statue of limitations in which if the BS finds out about an affair after the fact, they can still sue the OW or OM.
Being separated (unless both parties have signed a voluntary separation agreement with a dating clause) does not count. The alienation of affection and criminal conversation still applies until the divorce is finalized.
My main question would be the reason for the separation.
Is it a "let's separate and see if we're right for each other" thing or is it a "let's separate and start the divorce process" thing? If it's the first one, dating is not a good idea. Even if it's not, dating can be messy when you're only separated, emotions are still raw and most likely things will just be a rebound (I can attest to that). Most people say wait a year after the divorce is final, not just the separation. Long time, huh?
I would have loved to have sued the pants off the wh*re that's been sleeping with my ex for nearly 2 years! Unfortunately, I'm in one of those dreaded no-fault states
Hi everyone.
This is my first post here so please bear with me.
I live in NC, and my husband left me 6 weeks ago. He has been subscribing to internet dating services (3 0f them) and began meeting with some of his conatcts. He had an emotional (he says no sex) affair with one and is dating others.
He's living in our RV on a friend,s property a few miles from our home.
We've been dating a little too and our sex life has greatly improved (it was pretty bad when he left).
My problem is that I still love him. We are a little past middle aged, and I think this might be a form of midlife crisis for him. I'm trying to love him unconditionally, but even though I know I contributed to his looking around, he's still lying to me. I know he's communicating with these women.
I have some platonic relationships with some men that are associated with my hobbies. I've been told not to even think about dating, that that would make me as bad as he is. This isn't a problem with me because he is all I want-still, I feel undesirable and rejected.
Any advise on getting him back? We know we can't go back to the way things were before he began subscribing to the dating services. We actually thought we hated one another then.
I've just started counselling. He said he may try it, but won't commit himself to it yet.
Maygirl
He said he may try it, but won't commit himself to it yet.
As long as this is the case, there is nothing to fix and no way to 'get him back' into your marriage. Relationships can't be fixed if only one partner is interested in doing the fixing. He has no intention of giving up his 'dating' life, it sounds like.
For Lucrezia Borgia,
Thanks for the advise.
I was hurting so bad last night, that I went to one of the dating sites that he was on and signed up. I know that this will probably not be good when I go see the lawyer.
I then called my H and told him. It seems that he doesn't frequent that particular site anymore and he was then going to cancel it. He is just with match.com, which is the one I should have signed up for. Of course, he's still paying the bills, so he has been paying for this site (I found it on the AMEX bill) though he says he hasn't used it lately and he will continue to pay for it for another month now .
I asked him how he felt about me on the dating site and he said he had no feelings about it one way or another.
I also, sent an e-mail to a man with whom I have a lot of things in common (religion, martial arts.etc.) I didn't post a pic yet, and I really have no desire to actually meet with anyone, just want to write to help a little with the lonliness and low self-esteem.
So tell me how stupid I was!!! I know it. Now what do I do? The site is paid for for a month. I put that I was separated on my profile, so at least that part of it is honest. The pics of most of the men are so ugly!!! I'm a professional freelance photographer and most of the pics need to be trashed.
Well, glad to know you are a North Carolinian too.
Write when you get the chance.
Margo
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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