[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I think your friend needs to learn the hard way. I would mention something to her. At least you know you did what you could. Then sit back with popcorn and watch her ruin HER life.

[Treasa]

IHNFC, while I agree, don't you think you're taking a rather holier-than-thou attitude about this? I mean, realizing someone's screwing up her life, when all she's trying to do is have fun and be happy.

[inhighwater]

Names are changed to privacy.

My friend Jan got ahold of me the other day after we had not talked in a long time. Jan told me that she was busy, busy. And then she said, "Did you know that I am getting married?" And I was very happy for her and I am still happy that she seeing someone but once I heard this next part I got worried. See Jan is the type of person that when the opposite sex gives her attention she falls for them head over heels very quickly even if they are just friends. Well, I asked her to give me the goods on her new man. She told me that he was in his early twenties (Jan is in her mid twenties) and that she met him on the internet and that they met (I'm assuming this is when they met face to face) just a little over two months ago. And he just asked her to marry him not even a month ago. They are planning for their wedding to be in the winter of this year. I never said anything to Jan that I was worried about this being too soon to marry. Jan is a very Bull Headed person and she doesn't listen very well when people try and warn her about things and then she gets hurt. Then when you do say something to her she gets mad at you. And this marriage could go Great but I just feel that they should date a while longer before they get married. This guy could go from being the greatest guy in the world to showing a very bad side of himself. You just never know these days.

Help! Any advice would be great!

[outdated]

I know you guys are friends, but honestly it's not your job to monitor her life. Getting in the way of this- even if it is a bad idea- is the wrong thing to do. The only thing you can do for Jan is to just be her friend and help her along. Trying to change her mind will make her resent you in the end. Also, you are instilling your values on her- saying that she needs x amount of time to decide if it's right for her. I agree with you- I think more time is necessary when it comes to relationships I'm in, but that doesn't mean that it's right for everyone. A lot of people get married quickly and last forever, then again, lots don't. Just be a friend and hope for the former.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Originally posted by Treasa
IHNFC, while I agree, don't you think you're taking a rather holier-than-thou attitude about this? I mean, realizing someone's screwing up her life, when all she's trying to do is have fun and be happy.

Irrelevent. I don't pay attention to people like you.......

[Treasa]

But you just did. And it's not irrelevent. I said I agreed with you.

For someone who's enjoying her life to the fullest, you sure are touchy.

inhighwater, let your friend make her own mistakes, like IHNFC said.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Originally posted by Treasa
inhighwater, let your friend make her own mistakes, like IHNFC said.

Exactly...Like I said...how is that being holier than thou?

[crazy_grl]

I think the chances of this marriage working out are pretty slim. Maybe he is the perfect guy for her, but at this stage, it's way too early to tell either way. But you have to let her make her own mistakes. If you tell her that she's screwing up her life, she may push you away for getting in the way of her 'happiness'. Be supportive of whatever decision she makes even if you think it's the wrong one.

One thing you could do though is get her a book by Barbara Deangelis. I've read 'The Real Rules' and 'Are You the One for Me?', and she does a great job of explaining why it's important to get to know someone before you jump into a commitment and how to get to know them. 'Are You the One for Me?' also talks about [i]why]/i] people jump into committments way too early. She's written a few books, and maybe you can pick the one you think would be best for your friend. I haven't read it, but 'How to Make Love All the Time' might be a good one. It's about how to make relationships work.

Give her the book as an engagement gift, and tell her it's because you hope it will help her marriage to be successful and happy. (which is really what you want)

[moimeme]

Fact is that rushing a woman into marriage is typical behaviour for a con man and lots of con men meet their 'targets' over the Internet. It's not about what's 'right' for her but about what is wise and safe practice for anybody. I'd say the same if it was a man and he met a woman who was rushing him into marriage.

[Treasa]

Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue
Exactly...Like I said...how is that being holier than thou?

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* Did you miss the indicating that it was a joke? Although if you'd like me to find an answer, I will.

Saying that someone else is ruining her life because of her actions is no different than your boss' daughter thinking you're ruining YOUR life.

See what I mean?

But anyway, it's off topic. Eventually everyone grows up and sees that some of the things they're doing are really messing up their lives, even though, at the time, it seems fun and right.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I never said that my boss' daughter said I was ruining my life. She just looked at me like I was the devil b/c the things I do are "bad"

[alphamale]

if getting engaged after 2 months is good enuf for Tom Cruise then it is good enuf for anyone!

[Treasa]

Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue
I never said that my boss' daughter said I was ruining my life. She just looked at me like I was the devil b/c the things I do are "bad"

It's pretty much the same thing. Believe it or not, even though she may seem like a good lil Christian girl, I bet she thinks they're bad because they're bad FOR YOU. I don't like seeing people messing up their bodies and minds, either.

But anyway, if you want to continue this discussion, let's take it back to your thread.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by alphamale
if getting engaged after 2 months is good enuf for Tom Cruise then it is good enuf for anyone!

Nope that only works if you're a Scientologist looking for publicity, and if you don't mind having a few divorces under your belt...

[inhighwater]

I agree with crazy_grl.