[XNemesisX]

So I have this friend. Actually, I have thought of her as my BEST friend. Well, we are similar in a lot of ways. First of all, we have both had a hard time getting out of the house in the past few months. We both struggle with depression problems, etc. We are usually pretty good at motivating each other and we have helped each other out a lot over the years with various problems. I always thought I could count on her.

But she has done something to make me question everything! I am moving out of my apartment on June 30 so as you can see I have limited time here. This is not my choice to move...I really don't want to. She knows I will be gone after June 30.

A few days ago she calls me to come over and hang out with her and a few of our other friends. I get in the shower and am in the middle of getting ready when she calls to cancel with me (like she always does). She told me that her mom called and wanted her home because someone from their hometown was murdered (in another city though). I asked her if she knew the person who was killed and she didn't know her. So....why does this mean she would have to rush home right the second? I just don't get this excuse.

*note: she is almost 25 years old and she always uses her mom for a reason to have to go back home*

Basically, if she doesn't want to do something then I prefer honesty. If she doesn't feel like socializing she should know by now that I don't care at all as long as she is honest about it. I would understand because sometimes I am the same way. I don't understand the lying?!?! I can see right through it.

Then, I have been trying to call her for the past 3 days and she won't return my calls. She falls off the face of the planet. I just don't get her.

Is this even a real friend?!!? I'm leaving next Thursday you would think she could manage to call me back or hang out with me at least once before I leave! WTF

[miss-gonewest]

XNem, aren't women just the hardest work??? Honestly, sometimes it drives me up the wall having girlfriends!

I think you should tell it to her (if you can get hold of her).... I think you need to say to her, that if she changes her mind and doesn't want to hang out, then you are more than fine with that, but not to use excuses!!!

I too used to make up excuses, as I didn't want to let people down - sometimes you over commit, sometimes you are tired, sometimes you have PMT... but instead of saying just that, I used to make up excuses as to why I couldn't go out or catch up.

Finally one day, I phoned a girlfriend and just told her that I was tired and wouldn't be good company and could she just forgive me? She turned around and said "thank god, I am the same, I wanted to call you but didn't want to let you down". Easy - so now I am always honest...

The other thing is, I know I can sometimes be hard work - I can be demanding, I can want attention and I can want to do things my way, so I totally I understand that sometimes my friends may just be too exhausted to see me, so I always give them an option and I have learnt to always follow up if I have an inkling it may not be a good time.... that way I don't feel rejected, and we have it out in the open.

As to whether she is a real friend - only you know her. There is no shame in losing friends if you have grown apart. I have lost many over the years, and the way I see it, is that if I lose a mate, then it makes room in my life for another one... and funnily enough, when I've felt like I've lost someone special, I've always met someone new... (I just wish it were the same with single men LOL).

I now make an effort - to get to know girl friends of friends; I make friends with the temp at work; I talk to girls in the office more... you know the drill.

Women are emotional and precious - if you tell her how you feel and she doesn't take it well, then no, she may not be a good friend.

Chin up - I'll be yer friend if you want!!!!

[miss-gonewest]

Any updates XNem? Have you managed to get hold of your friend?
Will you see her before you move?