[elp]

So need a little advice...my boyfriend of 7.5 years broke up with me 2 months ago. we were in a committed monogamous relationship all those years but long distance for half of it due to careers and school. I wanted to marry him but he said he wasn't ready and that he needed me to get over my jealousy issues. He trains female athletes so I feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and distrust throughout the relationship.

well for the last year, he was hanging out with a female coworker. I tried not to let it bother me at first but they started hanging out more and it was making me uncomfortable. I told him about it and he said he understood, but I still felt they were hanging out too much. The night we broke up, he had worked for practically three days straight and I had only seen him to sleep beside him (we lived together). Well the third night he said he was going out for a drink after work and he'd get dropped off (his car was in the shop). I wanted to pick him up but he just wanted to unwind. To make a long story short, I went to the bar where I knew he was, saw that he was with this female coworker (and others), and punched him in the arm and left. I was so hurt that he hadn't seen me in basically three days and the one hour he had he spent with coworkers and she was there.

so now we're broken up and the time he spends with this female coworker has increased. she calls him every day (i check his phone so I know), they see each other at work, she works out in his workout group, and I know they hang out too on friday and saturday nights, although from what I know always in a group and never alone.

I felt uncomfrtable with them hanging out before we broke up and now i feel like I've been replaced by her.
He swears that they are just friends and that nothing is going on and that he's not interested in her as anything more but I don't believe him. I love him and want to get back together and try again, but he said I need to change first before that happens (get over my jealousy issues). I feel I have a right to be jealous and not trust him because I don't think if you're in a committed relationship you sohlud have close friends of the opposite sex. And he's only known her for a year so it's not like he knew her before me.

What to do? Are my fears grounded? Is it me or is he lying?

Thanks!

[LucreziaBorgia]

I can understand you feeling hurt by your feelings that you have been replaced, but since you have broken up whether or not he is dating this girl is no longer your concern. You have no business checking his phone, or prying into his personal affairs while you and he are broken up: regardless of your wishes to reconcile. It sounds like he may have already been on the way out emotionally before you actually broke up, and its likely this girl was there to benefit from that.

It sounds like even if you were to fix your jealousy issues, he probably would not be interested in coming back at this time, given as much time and mutual interests he is sharing with this girl.

[balletgirl]

I totally think that you did the right thing.. To me it sounds as if he was becoming distant from you for a while, and whether or not this coworker of his was to blame, she was there...


They could have just been friends, were they friends before you two were together??? Or after??? He probably was not cheating on you, but he and this girl might have had an emotional attachment or not... you will never know.....


Having jealously issues is difficult, i have some myself about my boyfriend and a coworker... The thing is that jealousy is a healthy part of a relationship, it just sounds like he needed to move on...


Good luck to you!!!