I have been dating my BF for 8 years..How long should I wait for a proposal, year after year nothing. brought it up, but nothing happens.........Should I move on??????????? I'm ready to leave, I want to take our relationship to the next level..Isn't it time??????????????? Can anyone Please give me advice as to what to do in this tough situation!!!
Just let him know that you want to be married, and if he can't provide that you need to be free to find someone who shares your same relationship goals.
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
Yup, I say the same as LB. Let him know, calmly and respectfully, what you need and want in this r/s. Ask him if he is willing, and if so, to set a timetable. Make it a short one. Like, set a date by July 15, for a wedding to occur before Oct 1. And then watch his actions, and see if they agree with whatever promises he may have (freely or not so freely) made. When words and actions are different, look at the actions. A man who wants to marry you, once a small fire has been lit under his rear, would be rushing down to get a marriage license just as fast, if not faster, as he rushed to buy tickets for that truck show.
He may be a slow mover, or lazy, or he may not want to marry you, maybe not now, maybe never. If I were in your shoes, I would want to find out by the end of the month which category he was in. Please note: Whatever you say has to be aimed at telling him your wants and finding out what he wants, NOT manipulating or pressuring him into agreeing to your plan. You do best if you are ready to walk away - caringly - from a r/s that is clearly driving you over the edge, just to judge from your punctuation.
BTW - I've always wondered whether men who are reluctant to propose make good husbands. I would tend to suspect not. A husband needs to be stepping up to the plate on an ongoing basis - along with the wife - to keep a marriage going strong. If he has to be dragged or nagged to the altar, I don't think I'd want him.
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
I knew a girl from high school who finally married this guy after 15 years, or something like that. She and my sister were good friends, and they kept in touch all throughout her long ordeal. She was 34 when they tied the knot... now she's a mom. It's a miracle he married her at all, but I suppose her life is now complete.
Personally, I feel she lost a lot of time holding a torch when she could've been out meeting other guys. At times she seemed like a sad case, putting herself through all this... most girls wouldn't do it. I guess she dug in too deep and didn't know how to stop herself, except to keep digging.
Any self-respecting man isn't going to waste 8 years of your life.
I once knew a guy who was living with the most beautiful girl. They made a nice couple and seemed okay.
They were together for 10 years.
One day, she up and left (maybe she wanted marriage and kids).
Within a year or so, he found someone new. Not as pretty (cause it's not all that counts), but he was so into her. A year or so later, she moved in while still going to University...
ten years later, they are married and have 3 kids.
Soooooo....don't accept "i'm not ready"..or "i don't know what I want".
See if he is willing to commit, and if not....well, you know!
I posted a message in May "Together 8 years... he won't marry me... what do you think?" As you can see, I'm in the same boat. I'm interested to hear what others have to say to you. Post a response if you'd like to talk.
I guess it depends on you. I would not be willing to wait eight years - I'm sure that is why there is a 29 February every 4 years - so we can ask when the guy is too slow. You really need to talk to him and find out what his plans are and then tell him what you would like. Then you need to decide how long you are willing to put up with it and when you will walk away. Have you been living together or are you still in different houses - if you live together it may work to move out, but that comes with its own risks.
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