[sunnyd100]

Hey there,

I was hoping some of you people on this forum could give me some help (or advice.)

I have been in a relationship for the past 7 months or so with a girl that I had known for about 18 months prior to our relationship. It is worth noting that she is 8 years older than me (I am 26, she is 34.) In many ways, my experience with her has been very, very good. Generally speaking, she may be the best person I have ever been with. She is truly brilliant, she is classy, fairly attractive, and we get along well and have many similar intrests and philosophies. Despite all of this, I am regularly plauged by doubt about our relationship. I can't stop worrying about whether or not we are doing the right thing, whether or not we are good for each other, or whether or not the age difference is going to play a major factor in our future together.

This doesn't seem normal to me, and quite frankly, I am having a pretty hard time with it. As mentioned before, aside from the age difference and a few other small things, this is the best girl I have ever been with, or even met! However, I am really stressed out with all this worrying and doubt, and it doesn't make much sense to me. I don't want to blow this opportunity, but I am afraid that I will because of all this fear. Can anyone help, or give me some insight?

D

[laRubiaBonita]

let it go, before it pushes her away and you self-condemn your relationship.

you may think you are internallizing all this really well, but it shows.

[ConfusedInOC]

What is your worry? Are you insecure about the relationship or yourself? Has she done anything to you to indicate she isn't confident in the relationship?

Sometimes we tend to over-analyze our relationships when our S/O just wants to enjoy it. You can have that with her but first communicate your feelings. It will put your mind at ease.

Don't let her know you're not feeling secure in the relationship. Just find out what her long term goals are.

What are yours. Do you have them written down? If not, you should have F.A.I.T.H. based goals:

F - Focused
A - Attainable
I - Individual
T - Trackable
H - Heartfelt

Set some goals for yourself. This will help build your self esteem. Make sure the goals you set meet the F.A.I.T.H. based requirements and do not involve anyone else.

[lindya]

The age gap is already playing a big factor in your mind. laRubiaBonita's point about your doubts showing through even if you think you're concealing them well is a good one.

The impression I get from your post is "I like this woman, I have enormous respect for her and am possibly even slightly in awe of her." What you need to figure out is whether you actually love her, or if you simply admire her class and intellect. Admiration alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

[whichwayisup]

At 26 and 34 NOONE cares about the age difference. It seems like it's an issue for you though. Maybe you're thinking 10, 15 years down the road, when you're almost 10 years younger than her, she may be aging and looking abit older...Maybe that is bugging you enough to rethink the relationship.

If you are happy and you love her, she loves you and the relationship is fine, what is the real issue at hand? Just enjoy eachother for now, 7 months isn't that long but she may be interested in settling down and maybe that is what is also freaking you out. You may not be ready to commit to one person.