[meisje]

About 8 months ago, my boyfriend of almost 2 years had confessed that he slept with someone else, and had assured me that it was only the one time and meant nothing, etc. etc. And I believed that he was being genuine, and I loved him, so we tried to work things out. Despite my efforts to work through it, we broke up in January of this year. We said we'd try to be friends or at least be civil because we have a lot of mutual friends, and we didn't want to make things awkward for them. But we've barely spoken since then and now he's trying to get in touch with me again. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

He left me an email a few weeks back because I had had a barbecue with some friends and he was hurt that he wasn't invited. Then he extended an offer to me to casually try to talk things through. I wrote back politely and said that was fine with me, but then I didn't write again and neither did he.

Maybe he was expecting me to start the conversation, but I didn't know what to say, so I never wrote again.

Recently, I got an instant message from him wondering why we never followed through on the intention of talking things through. He also said he had been cleaning some things around his place and found a painting that I made for him with a note on the back (I don't remember what it said, but the jist of it was the typical cutesy love note "you make me happy, I love you, etc. etc."). So he told me he had found this and said "Funny how time changes things".

I haven't replied to him yet. Over the winter I had wanted so badly to talk with him about this -- wanting some explanations and some closure, and to regain at least some form of friendship.

But lately (in the past few months) I have become somewhat bitter towards him. All the good feelings I was harbouring towards him were probably in memory of what I had lost... but now that I've gotten myself over him and am trying to move on, all I attribute to him are the lesser values and the cheating.

I don't know what to say to him now -- or if I want to say anything. On one hand I can say "listen, you really hurt me, and I'd be happy to never have to think about it again, goodbye" or I can say "you really hurt me and I may have some trouble now talking with you, but I'd like to give it a shot."

Is it better to leave this all in the past, or to confront it and make appeasement?

[prissymissy]

I think that it is best to leave it in the past, once a cheater always a cheater. It is good that you have gone this long with out talking to him. Politely tell him that the choice was to break up and it is best for the both of you to leave it that way.

GOOD LUCK