NC, NC, NC -- What if you just want to suck it up?
My ExGF is a great friend -- and she clearly cares for me and want to remain in my life. I technically was the dumpee -- because she felt like she wasn't ready to commit and wants to date others.
I don't think she plays games or is intending on stringing me along by still calling me and seeing me. She'll often talk to me as if she assumes that I'll be dating others soon -- and this doesn't seem to make things awkward for her.
As you can guess -- I really hurt on the inside. I bottle up all my emotions and put on a happy face when I see her, and I avoid seriousness at all costs -- because I know that this will push her away. And yes, I really would like to get her back one day -- but I know that she needs to "play the field" a bit more before settling. She is about 2 years out of a 17 year marriage, and besides one quick rebounder, I'm the only other person she's dated seriously.
So... I intuitively know that NC will cause me to heal faster, but really -- for the degree that I fell for her, I think I would need a year or more of NC to heal that way -- and I just don't want to dissappear like that. Besides, I live in a small town, and I WILL run into her from time to time.
So... my question is: Has anyone just been able to suck it up and work through their emotions while remaining in contact -- and even as friends? How did you do it? I don't feel like dating others quite yet -- my heart isn't available yet (still belongs to her), and "getting busy" is a challenge for me because almost all of my friends are couples with kids.... arrrrgh.
You're gonna make this alot harder for yourself if you continue to be friends with her right now. She dumped you because she wasn't ready to commit JUST to you, she wants to be with other guys...Yet she still wants you in her life as a friend, you're willing to go DO just that ... So, you're a friend now. NO sex, NO kissing, NO cuddling. Just there for her a friend. What do you get out of this?? A broken heart because you can't be affectionate and intimate with her anymore...Can look, get kinda close, but no touching... You stay emotionally attached to her while she continues to have your friendship and date other guys.
I know you don't want to hurt her, but she dumped YOU! Ouch.
I can tell you right now this is going to be really painful and you'll continue to have feelings for her. Then one day she is going to meet that other guy, get more serious with him and then say "it's not a good idea for us to really keep intouch anymore. My new boyfriend won't like it, and it's not fair for him if I continue being friends with an EX." Just my thoughts on this one.
Read ConfusedinOC posts. Read NoFoolin's post about the long guided walk to NO Contact. (You may have to scroll down to page 2 or 3 , it's in there somewhere.)
I've read all the NC posts -- and I totally agree that NC would be the most effective way to go. I just wish I had the inner strength to be a friend instead. Why? Because I really do believe that she's the right one for me, and that I'm the right one for her.
My plan would be to date others -- have fun -- and -- if I meet someone else and fall in love, then that's what was meant to be.
If she finds another? You are right, I'd need to fade into the background -- then I guess the real NC would begin.
But yeah -- I'm going to have to hear of some good techniques from folks that can be used instead of NC -- otherwise, I'm going to implode soon...
Originally posted by notmakingsense
I'm going to have to hear of some good techniques from folks that can be used instead of NC -- otherwise, I'm going to implode soon...
Try slitting your wrists... you're pretty close as it is by continuing to be her friend.
Originally posted by notmakingsense
LOL -- I guess that the result would definitely be NC then, huh?
If she wants to date others, she should not have the pleasure of your company. Especially since she may confide some of the details of her relationship with you.
Move on, date someone else and don't bother with her. Make her KNOW what she is missing. She can't do that if you're always available to her.
Even Limited Contact would be much better than "friends."
We've already agreed to not talk about our other relationships....
I know, I know.... when she calls me, I crumble and answer. Today is a great example. She calls me up, and says "lets have a beer!" and I'm like, sure "come on over!" and so it goes.... no strength to say "sorry, I've got plans..."
We've already agreed to not talk about our other relationships....
I know, I know.... when she calls me, I crumble and answer. Today is a great example. She calls me up, and says "lets have a beer!" and I'm like, sure "come on over!" and so it goes.... no strength to say "sorry, I've got plans..."
No, no, no!
Don't do that. Start making yourself unavailable.
Don't answer all her calls.
Don't answer all her emails.
If she wants you - TRULY wants you - then she will never know as long as you are at her beck and call.
She'll start fretting the moment you tell her you're busy.
It never fails.
As CIOC aptly stated, MAKE HER MISS YOU.
I know this works. You should have seen her when I posted my profile on a dating site -- she was calling all the time then! lol I've since taken it back down again because I just couldn't get in to it.
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