I used to have a close group of about 6 friends from university. About 6 months ago we all left uni and got jobs (in the same city). At first I tried to catch up with them but now I just can't be bothered. I work really long hours and when I do get some free time I just want to go out and party and get wasted. My friends used to be like that too but now most of them have got boyfriends and all they want to do is meet for brunch or go to dinner. BORING!

We're all in our early 20s and have the rest of our lives to do lame ****e like that. It really frustrates me when I have to waste a night sitting there eating overpriced food and talking about the same crap and watching them all cuddle up to their loser boyfriends. Is this selfish? We used to all have so much fun together going to bars and being silly, or throwing parties. Now it seems like I am the only one still in that headspace. I just don't want to wake up in ten years and regret not making the most out of my youth.

The problem is, I've missed quite a few of their get togethers now and for the past month haven't been contacted by any of them. You only get out what you put in and I guess that's true here. I'm sure they bitch about me and say how immature I am, and that hurts. But I don't know what else to do. It's also getting harder and harder to find like minded people - I'm always the last one at the party or leaving the bar at closing time by myself. It's depressing. Is this normal? Or do I need to grow up and stop having fun?

[quankanne]

We're all in our early 20s and have the rest of our lives to do lame ****e like that. It really frustrates me when I have to waste a night sitting there eating overpriced food and talking about the same crap and watching them all cuddle up to their loser boyfriends. …We used to all have so much fun together going to bars and being silly, or throwing parties. Now it seems like I am the only one still in that headspace.

yikes! with that kind of attitude, it's not surprising that none of your old running buddies will want to have anything to do with you. It's one thing to want to keep up an old lifestyle -- partying, clubbing, barhopping -- and a complete other thing to diss what they find important in their lives now (relationships, more relaxed past-times) just because you find it boring. Not everyone progresses at the same rate, so if you expect to maintain old friendships you've got to roll with the changes.

the way I see it, you've got two choices: make new friends who enjoy the same kind of lifestyle as you do -- they're out there, you've just got to be willing to look for them. Or find a happy medium -- suggests to your friends that y'all get together for a girls-only night every so often, and you do something with them that they enjoy that includes their men.

[AndrewJ]

I feel the same way godawful,

Al my freinds during the twenty something years have drifted aprated and forme dthere own little niche circles.

I hop from circle to circle but dont really enjoy the company as much a si used to.

I guess peolpe are into different things with time.

Find people who like to do what u like to do i guess.

As neil young sung "dont let it bring you down"

[moimeme]

and when I do get some free time I just want to go out and party and get wasted. My friends used to be like that too but now most of them have got boyfriends and all they want to do is meet for brunch or go to dinner. BORING!

I suspect they may find you boring now. Partying and getting wasted may be fine if you're a college kid, but supposedly you grow out of wanting to numb your brain with booze and calling that 'fun'. And drunks don't realize what excruciatingly boring company they really are.

You may have to find more college kids to hang out with while the rest of your friends are busying themselves with grownup pursuits.

[Mr Spock]

Now THAT'S condescending Moimeme!!!!!


If you really want to hang on to your friends make the effort to do things they enjoy, and cultivate new friends to party with. Do fun and interesting things whenever possible-don't let someone else tell you what's "fun"

[Humbledog]

Yes, absolutley, Grow up and stop having fun! It's interesting that that's the last thing you said in your thread starter!!! Think about it ?!?!?!


Grow up, but START having fun!!!!!! 5 out of 6 can't be wrong they just added resposibility to the previous equation, as that comes into play after the frat crap is over!!! I'm sure your friends miss you and you are just feeling out of pace!!!

Are you the only without a boyfriend? That could sometimes make you feel out of place especially w/recent changes.

[alphamale]

yes, you will lose friend and make new ones over time. nothing lasts forever. it is normal to grow apart from the people you hung out with in your youth, it is part of life.

[moimeme]

'Getting wasted' , one hopes, would not equate with 'fun' for too long else it will become 'habit' and possibly 'addiction'.

[Mr Spock]

There is nothing wrong with partying. Especially with friends. Don't be made to feel you need to sit at home on a Saturday night watching movies to be "grown up".


It's more of a single mindset-now that they're "with" someone they can't go out and have the same kind of fun you all used to. Keep tabs on them, when the inevitable split happens to one or more of them you may get your old friend back.

[moimeme]

There are plenty of entertaining things to do that one can do with faculties intact and still have fun. I just think it's kinda sad that people equate 'fun' with 'drunk' and 'not drunk' as 'boring'.

[westernxer]

Yes.

That's when you appreciate the friends who make the cut, if any of them make it. You may not make theirs either.

[Mr Spock]

And I say it's not sad if you want to go out and tie one on with your pals. "Fun" is relative. You can have fun doing anything, but it doesn't mean you're NOT having fun when you're 3 sheets to the wind on the dance floor with your pals and busting a move.


I find it odd that you are assuming that her friends are MORE mature simply because they have boyfriends and don't do the girls night out thing anymore. Are you thinking they're all going to art museums together now that they've "grown up?"


Regardless of that-to the OP-you'll have different kinds of friends for different kinds of fun. There are friends that you go shopping with, friends you party with, friends you have overpriced lunches with, and friends you only talk to via email. It doesn't mean the friendships have to end because they've changed. Try organizing meetings where they leave the BF at home.