Issues with BF I live with, concider ourselves married...
I don't know if I'm being too pushy here. He wants to keep his friendship with his ex-sister in law. which under normal g-lines wouldn't bother me. but when he was married to her sister this female showed little to no respect for that relationship. Changing in front of him, sleeping in his hotel room bed (innocent I'm assured) talking to him behind her sisiter's back, telling him in detail about her sexual experiences..... I don't feel comfortable with him remaining buddy buddy with her b/c if she showed her sister that little respect, what on earth would make her show his and my relationship any respect. He was sneaking the other night on the computer to chat with her, i busted him and he lied. He came clean about the 4th time I asked, and said he just didn't want to argue about it. And sort of tried turning it around on me that I was over reacting to him and her being friends. I don't feel i am... but I am a bit over board b/c I caught my ex-husband on line doing many things i didn't find helpful to the marriage and ended up leaving. He himself says she is a whore, but that she and him have too much respect for her new boyfriend to do anything. Says that he should have to include me in there b/c that is a given. Anyone think i'm overreacting?

I know that what I know about him and his ex-wife is feeding into my fears. They did the wife swapping and both she and him were on the computer personals looking for a female to be "friends" with. Sorry that doesn't fly with me. He swears up and down that he never thought it was good or right but that he didn't love her so he didn't care. But that he loves me and that he doesnt want that sort of relationship with us. He was raised on the same basic principles of what marriage and love are suppose to be as I was....my other question is, do you think its possible that after someone has a marriage like that at 22/23 they can go back to having the "old" fashion idea of a marriage? Or do you think that since it was his first "real" relationship in his life, he'll use it as a base of what marriage should be like?

I just can't have an open marriage or an open relationship, I don't have that in me. I don't get from him an indication that is what he wants with us, but I've been wrong before. He is a very jealous person sometimes to the point that it puts so much strain on us that I want to give up. But then again I know that guys sometimes thing they can do things and its okay just as long as the girl isn't doing them. So any advise here?

[sparkle & fade]

but when he was married to her sister this female showed little to no respect for that relationship. Changing in front of him, sleeping in his hotel room bed (innocent I'm assured) talking to him behind her sisiter's back, telling him in detail about her sexual experiences..

NO NO NO...........

Also:

He himself says she is a whore, but that she and him have too much respect for her new boyfriend to do anything

If he has this opinion of her, why he is so obviously fascinated with continuing the relationship? A whore as a friend??? Also, they both have too much respect for her new boyfriend....and where do you come into play?

You sound like you probably are not a jealous person. So why did he feel the need to lie? What was the problem with him telling you that they were chatting in the first place. Because he knew he was wrong.

THIS WOMAN is A VIPER....

She is a total vampire...she sucks the relationship out of every man. She isnt satisfied until they all want HER....

She needs all the attention, all the time..I would not trust his or her intentions. BUT

I have some questions....

1. Does she ever talk to you?

2. How often do they "chat", and is it limited to the computer or is there phone calls and visits?

3. Does she live close by?

Now, if they both sometimes chat, and it is not an every day thing and there are no phone calls or visits, I would voice your fears, but try not to harass him about it. The reason I say that is....

If you become extremely overbearing and emotional he will then start with calling her if he hasnt already. That could lead to visitations. Which leads to sneaking around, which leads to the mystery/temptation aura love triangle thingee.

Bottom line is this: I would feel very uncomfortable if my bf was chatting with a woman who is a viper. It obviously makes you feel bad. Maybe you should tell him this, and ask him if he really wants a good relationship he would stop venturing near the dangerous territory. Obviously the first one didnt work out, and now here he is with you, but still continuing the same behaviours and holding on to that relationship with the viper....

if she showed her sister that little respect, what on earth would make her show his and my relationship any respect

My sentiments EXACTLY............