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New Divorce
I just found this site. I am 35 and just ended my 3rd marriage. THe first lasted 7 years, 2nd one 5 years and the 3rd a little over 4. I have one child from the 2nd. My 3rd, Terry, rarely kept a job and for the past year has been trying to get on disability that I don't think he needs. He would work 'under the table' but "couldn't" get a regular paycheck. For a long time I put up with it because I work full time and I hate housework. HE did the laundry and cooking and called it housework. I would spend the weekend cleaning. I finally couldn't take anymore and told him that I didn't want a divorce-I needed one. I begged him to tell me why if he loved me, why did he just sit and watch me struggle? He NEVER could answer me. When we were home together there was silence. Just the damned TV and him staring at it. We slept in different rooms. We went to the attorney together and signed the papers. I feel guilty for doing it. I thought that I would miss him and cry but I haven't. I am not really angry at him. I let it go on, therefore the blame is mine. I feel bad to because I jumped into bed with someone the night after he moved out. What is sickening to me is that I barely new this guy. I don't understand why I did it. Part of me hates being alone, but I always say outloud that I don't want to be with anyone and I don't want another man in my home. It is self destructive. I am not depressed. I just don't know how to get control of my life again and leave men alone for awhile. I like the concept of being married, I just really suck at it. I am very very independent, I have a career, not just a job and I have full custody of my 8 year old daughter. She was hurt by the divorce and I never want to put her thru that again. When she visits her dad, I may go out, or have 'company' but never when she is home. Is there anyone who understands any of this?
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Linear Mode
