i thought i would put in a post after all this time because i think and hope it might help some of you who are still in the strange hold of this relationship.

i was writing on here quite a bit for a while a few months back so most people would have followed my story.

for those that didnt, this is the brief.

had a year long affair with mm who had me convinced at first that it was true love, as time went on i really couldnt fool myself any longer that it was about anything other than sex and a boost to his ego. still it was hard, coming in here helped, but i still didnt want to accept it.

eventually he ended things with me when he got scared about me perhaps demanding more than what i was getting. fear of exposure probably as i was getting angry about things.

anyway i was really upset for a while and then i just wanted to turn things around so that i could get my self respect back. we began having conversations by email and im.
anyway he then started begging me for sex etc, i could say no and thought this would make me feel better, it doesnt really, i tell you why. because its still what he wants from me, he still will never see me as anything but. oh he has done all sorts of disgusting things like begged me for threesome with me and one of my friends who he obviously fancies. i remembered back to when he met her and he was asking where she lived etc. at the time i thought well obviously he fancied her but i thought he wanted me, or at least that is what i convinced myself.

anyway he is now using every tack he can think of to get some.
it all just reminds me of a really bad jerry springer show, where theres these disgusting old men on there just trying to get a piece of any pretty girl they see and i cannot believe that i was in such a terrible state of mind that i fell for it at all.
its disgusting, i can see so clearly now what he is doing and it really is gross.
he is just a sad old git.

i know some of these guys arent that old but they have the mentality of a sad old desperate git.

first of all i thought he was clever for being able to manipulate me, but i see now his efforts are not ingenious at all. they are the desperate attempts of an old bald man to get some sex. he has all his other needs taken care of. he is not suffering. he just wants to be laid by a georgeous girl (or two) so he can feel like a man.

honestly girls, if you could see what i now see, man will you puke all over him.
a minute ago i was really tempted to say oh yeah i spoke to my friend here is her number and give him one of mine (and i really think he would be so dumb), but what is the point?

he is already an aging bald fat idiot who can no longer get it up, he knows that, hence the desperation. i dont need to prove that to him, he already knows it.

i am really sorry if this post offends anyone, but i think i was a very vunerable person in a very vunerable situation and this relationship for a while made me feel that i was nothing, these guys only get vunerable women and it makes me angry because they dont care. they really dont care.

oh by the way my mm tried a new tack of being so sorry that he treated me so bad, he will be eternally sorry etc etc, he wants to come and see me to try and make it all up to me, i am such a wonderful person etc etc

they are never sorry, he is still trying it, he doesnt care, there are no regrets, no concern for you

get out, let him beg, you will soon see how gross they are

[ww]

mine wasn`t bald. but I agree with every word you`ve written

[smile95]

great post for me to read at this point! My sep/soon to be div ex/bf always comes back to me and says I am great and i am naive and belive it. This time he has gone away a while and will call when he knows I am done and I am going to laugh at him this time! How are you doing with getting over what you thought was love?

[newbby]

hi i tried to reply to ww ages ago but it never appeared?? since then i have registered with a slight change in the spelling of my name.
to beth,
i am doing fine with it, i still have a little thing for this guy but i no longer feel desperate for his love or affections, he is ignoring me at the moment which i just find kind of laughable, i know he will speak to me again because he hasnt blocked me off im. its just silly games i think, or he really does still get scared, either way it doesnt bother me now that i no longer sleep with him or even see him in the real world.
i feel more in control i dont feel guilty either like i did before, i guess some would say i should as i am still having a secret friendship with him.
for me though this is stopping me from continuing the a, and i KNOW without a doubt that he would have showed up one evening had i not been in contact with him through im. i dont think with the desperation i felt before for him to not reject me that i would have been able to refuse him had he just showed up.
its a strange kind of power the mm has over the ow and i'm not sure i fully understand it. i dont know how i managed to fall into the trap of it. i know that what i am doing now has certainly broken that spell.
i still get butterflys a little bit when he signs in or if i see him in passing but it is not the same because i no longer feel that he thinks he has me under his control because he is not getting what he wants from me as much as i am not getting what i want from him.
before it was very one sided.