[MadKurlz]

I eneded things with my so called "friend" on Friday night. Let me give you a bit of history.

One year ago, we hooked up and got along great. After a month he was coming over almost every night and would spend the night. About two months later he told me he loved me. I was ecstatic. Two months after that I notice that he becomes distant and he tells me that we are moving too fast and we should just remain friends and that his feelings for me were'nt the same. I was devastated. Only to fall into the same pattern again. Getting back together, going over each others houses, having sex, etc, all the things that couple do. but we were still labeled as "friends". He never intorduced me as his girlfriend, but we did everything togehter. I would even go to his house and spend the night all the time. His family loves me, and I of course love them. I have formed a bond with his mom too.

Okay so now I could feel that there were times that he wasnt as into me, so he once again around the Valentines day he told me that we should be friends, that his feelings werent the same as mine were for him. that mine were deeper for him and it just wasnt fair to me. I said okay. Of course devastated again. A few weeks later, we are hanging out again, im chilling with the family, my birthday rolls around, I get great gifts form him and he is very affectionate, loving, caring, and we are having sex again. So once again, we are acting like a couple. Funny thing too is that when we would sleep together,(i dont mean sex) he was so affectionate, kissed my cheecks my eyes, but outta the privacy of his bedroom, he was a diffrent person, not affectionate at all. He was never one to express his feelings.

Well Friday nght rolls around, and im at his house watching tv and I roll over to kiss him and cuddle, when he has this look on his face, i sd to him, you really dont like kissing do you? He sd well no, its just that im watching tv. Right then and their I realized that I deserved somone who wanted to kiss me. He wants to love me the way I love them. Someone to give me the affection im starving for.
I told him I could no longer do this anymore. He sd he understood and he sd that I will never know how he feels about me and how much he cares. I sd for him to tell me, He sd he couldnt cuz he didnt know how to express himself. So I left.

Sometimes I ask myself if I did the right thing for myself? I miss him terribly. I miss him holding me at night.

[North Shore]

I know you miss him but you absolutely did the right thing. You put it perfectly yourself - you deserve someone who wants to kiss you - anytime, anywhere.

Stay strong and hang in there.

[RecordProducer]

Well let's see what happens after your decision. It was a perfecxt decision, by the way. Any man who loves will run after you after you break up. And he knows the true reason for the break up. So if he does care as he says, he will look for you. What's importnat is to NOT contact him and not hang out with him if he calls you. Don't have casual sex with him again under any circumstances. I think he is not really in love or is not aware of it. So if he misses you as much as you miss him, things will get better. Good luck!

[MadKurlz]

Well, I am having a hard time coping with this. I think im starting to feel more and more insecure.
In the past week, I have seen him, but there has not been any romantic involvement. Sunday and Tuesday & Thurs we were at at bar with other friends to watch the heat game. On Wednedsday I went to his house to pick up some things , stayed over for dinner, cuz his mom & dad dont know anything and he sd he didnt want to say anything to them and also sd that I am still friends with his mom and him and there is no reason why we all still cant be friends, blah blah blah.
Well after dinner his mom and I chatted and all was dandy. His mom had mentioned how the family was going out to dinner on Friday night cuz some family is coming from outta town. She is assuming that I am going. My friend, lets call him E. was next to me while she mentioned this. Well E hasnt sd anything to me bout the dinner. Should I assume that im not going to go? Should I mention something if I should go. Of course I want to go, but I dont want to look clingy and I hate it when i overanalyze things. I went to E's bedroom to go laydown and wait till "the parents" went to bed, I didnt want them to see me taking my stuff and asking questions. well I fell asleep there, I awoke and he was holding me in his arms. Tight, sqweezing. Gosh, the feeling I felt . It was so secure. I felt so safe. All the hurt that I had been feeling was numb. It was such a releif to stop hurting even if it was only a temporary feeling. I knew that if I had sex with him, I would just make things worse formyself. So I made sure that I wasnt going to fall into that. I just concentrated on that safe and secure feeling.

So last night at the bar her mentioned that he was going to be bringing this stripper friend of his to join the "M.I.L.F." contest on tuesday night they have at the bar. While we dated for a year, I have heard about her. Her name is K. But I was never intorduced. We always spent our time together, and like I sd he never really had any of his friends come hang out with me, only our mutual friends. He never hung out with her for the whole year we were toghether. So I had asked him previously if had had any past history with her, he sd that she is beautiful with a banging body and has a daughter, but that she was not interested in him. He sd that if she looked at him diffrent then maybe they wouldve had something, so he never hit on her and they were just friends.

Anyways I am feeling so insecure, Is it cuz I keep hanging out with him? Should I go Tuesday night to go meet K and see what that is like or am i gonna put myself thru torture?
Should I mentione something tonight about dinner or wait for him to say something.
Im having a hard time letting go.
JEEZ this sucks